The Importance Of Family
by Vinsmouse
Summary: As Joe's womanizing and risk taking increases his family becomes concerned. Will he tell his family what is driving his behavior?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Bonanza, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst, Violence, AU

Rating: FRT

Italics indicates a flashback

Author's Note: In this alternate universe the Cartwrights run a working cattle ranch as well as an adventure tour company, Ponderosa Outfitters. This is set in present day Nevada, however I don't live in Nevada so please excuse any mistakes I might make. Hopefully they will be few.

Summary: As Joe's womanizing and risk taking increases his family becomes concerned. Will he tell his family what is driving his behavior?

The Importance of Family

Chapter 1

Adam Cartwright stormed into the ranch house he shared with his father and younger brothers. He couldn't remember a time when he had ever been so furious and if he were honest terrified. It was that terror that had ignited the anger which still burned its way into his soul.

Grabbing an ice pack from the freezer he gingerly sat down in his favorite chair, and dropped his head into his hands as the terrifying images flashed through his mind.

_"What do you think you're doing Joe?" Adam demanded as he joined his youngest brother at the corral._

_"What's it look like I'm doing big brother?" Joe grinned._

_Adam sighed, angered by the spark of mischief in his younger brother's green eyes. "It looks like you're trying to get yourself killed," he snapped. _

_Joe bristled, his own anger rising in response to Adam's. "Miss Bowers wanted to see some bronc busting, I'm just giving the guest what she requested." Though he didn't say it, his tone was a clear reminder to his brother of his own words regarding keeping the guests happy._

_"You can show her some bronc busting without doing it on this horse," Adam pointed out through clenched teeth. _

_Joe grinned, "But what would be the fun in that Adam?" He didn't wait for an answer. Turning away from his older brother, the cocky young man vaulted up and into the loading chute. Settling himself onto the horse's back, he gave the signal for the gate to be opened before his brother could make any further objections._

_The ranch hand manning the gate wasn't sure what to do, but knowing that kept in the chute the horse would become angrier possibly doing more damage to the man on his back. Better to let him out into the corral where Joe would at least have a chance to wear him down or get away if he had to._

_Adam had watched, in spite of wanting to turn away. The horse rocketed from the chute as if he'd been shot from it._ _It was like watching a train heading towards a car stuck on the tracks, you wanted to close your eyes but somehow it was impossible. Staring with growing fear, he watched his brother fighting to stay in the saddle as the horse, known by the appropriate name of Widowmaker, did all he could to unseat him. To his dying day Adam wouldn't be able to say how his brother had done it, maybe it was divine intervention or maybe it was proof that God really did look out for fools and children. In either event, his brother had done what nobody else had managed; he rode Widowmaker to a standstill and after a couple of triumphant turns around the corral he slid from the horse's back._

_"You stupid little boy, are you trying to get yourself killed?" Adam confronted his brother the moment the younger man left the corral. _

_"I'm not a kid Adam, don't talk to me like I am," Joe answered forcing himself to stay calm._

_His unusual calmness was like a match to a fuse; Adam's fear fueled temper ignited. Grabbing his brother's shirt front he lifted him so that he was on his tiptoes, savagely shaking him. "You could have fooled me," he growled. "You know that horse can't be ridden," he shook him again. "He's already crippled two men and Dad was planning to have him put down," another shake emphasized his words. "You had no damned business getting on that animal. I've got half a mind to put you over my knee and blister your behind."_

_Joe clawed at the hands holding him, in spite of the ringing in his head from the shaking he was receiving. The humiliation of being treated like a misbehaving child, especially in front of the very pretty Sarah Bowers, enraged him. The threat of a spanking pushed him over the edge. Exploding with rage, he brought his knee up between Adam's legs. He hadn't thought about what would happen when Adam suddenly let go of him. Surprised to find himself at eye level with his brother, he lay on the ground, staring at the older man as they both tried to catch their breath. Joe, suffering no real injury, recovered first. _

_Adam lay on the ground, curled up in a fetal position, his hands cupping himself as he blinked back tears of pain. He watched as Joe pushed himself to his feet; for one awful moment he thought his little brother was going to kick him while he was down. To his relief the younger man simply gave him a look of angry disgust and walked away, but not before ordering the hands standing around watching to take care of Widowmaker. A few minutes after Joe left, Adam finally managed to get to his feet, with help from one of the hands._

_Glancing around, he wasn't surprised to see Miss Bowers gone. Typical spoiled rich girl, simper and bat her eyelashes until she convinced a man to take some foolish risk, then slip away the moment trouble appeared. He glared at the hands milling around the corral. "Why didn't any of you try to stop my brother?"_

_"We tried to talk Joe out of it Adam," Jeb attempted to explain._

_Adam snorted, "You didn't try very hard. Who put the horse in the chute for him?"_

_"What makes you think he didn't do it himself?" _

_Adam glared at the man, not surprised it was one of the new hands who had asked. "Because until Joe rode him to a standstill it took at least four strong men to get him into that chute. There is no way one man could have done it alone."_

_"We were just following orders," Chet defended himself._

_"And ignoring the orders my father gave," Adam snapped. _

_Chet glared at the oldest Cartwright brother. "Your father wasn't here and if we had disobeyed Joe's order he would have fired us." He was gratified that several of the hands mumbled in agreement._

_"Be that as it may, my father ordered that nobody was to take that horse from his stall. I don't suppose any of you bothered to remind my brother of that, no of course you didn't," he went on, answering his own question. _

_"So your precious little brother gives us a different order and now we're in trouble for obeying it? That's bullshit Cartwright and you know it!" Chet snarled. _

_Adam sighed, damn he hated this. He wanted nothing more than to fire Chet Williams right this minute, but if he did no man on the place would ever again obey an order from Joe. Angry he might be, yet, he couldn't bring himself to blatantly undermine his brother's authority. "You're right Chet," Adam admitted, swallowing his pride. "I shouldn't have taken my anger at Joe out on you men."_

_The humble admission took the wind from Chet's sails. Unsure of himself, Chet mumbled something that could have been taken as acknowledgment and walked away, followed by most of the other hands. Left behind were the two who were still leading Widowmaker around the corral, cooling him down from the fight Joe had put him through and their foreman Jeb Stuart. _

_Adam slowly walked over to the corral fence. Leaning against it, he watched the now calm horse allowing himself to be led around the corral. The only sign of his natural spirit was the occasional attempt at nipping a shoulder as he was led. "I can't believe he did that," Adam quietly observed._

_"Took the risk or succeeded?" Jeb asked from beside him._

_"Yes."_

_"I won't argue it wasn't a hell of a risk Adam and if I'd been here sooner I would never have let the boy get on that horse. Maybe it's a good thing I wasn't here," he murmured._

_"How's that?"_

_"If I had been that horse would still be standing in his stall waiting for his executioner to arrive."_

_Adam chuckled, "I'm not sure Dr. Burton would appreciate being referred to as an executioner, but I take your meaning."_

_"He's too fine a piece of horseflesh to put down," Jeb observed._

_"He's a damned lucky piece of horseflesh," Adam smiled grimly. "If he'd hurt my brother I would've shot him myself."_

_Jeb nodded, he had no doubt of that. Adam and Joe might butt heads as often as not, but they loved each other as only brothers can and would defend each other to the death if necessary. "You better go on back to the house and find some ice Adam, I'll see to it that Widowmaker is taken care of."_

_"I don't suppose I could talk you into taking care of my brother?"_

_Jeb grinned, "Nope, you're on your own there boy."_

_"That's what I thought you'd say," Adam chuckled. _

The sound of the front door opening brought his focus back to the present. He wasn't surprised to see his father, he just wished he could tell if the older man knew about the situation with Joe yet. "How did the fishing trip go Dad?" he asked.

"We'll be having fish for supper. How did things go here?" Stepping further into the room, his eyes narrowed with concern as he took in the way Adam was sitting and the position of the ice pack he held. "What happened to you?"

Adam grimaced, "Joe," he reluctantly replied.

Ben sighed, "What happened?" As Adam explained what had happened a myriad of emotions passed over Ben's face, chief among them fear and anger. "You say he rode the horse to a standstill?"

"Yeah," Adam slowly answered.

"That boy, I can't believe he managed what nobody else has been able to," Ben smiled, allowing himself a moment of pride in the accomplishment of his youngest.

Adam's anger, which had begun to ebb, flared to life. Surely his father didn't intend to let Joe get away with his blatant disobedience.

"That doesn't excuse the danger he put himself in though, nor the fact that he ignored my order to leave the horse alone," Ben added. When he glanced up the look of anger on Adam's face was muted. Deciding to ignore the anger for now, he asked his next question, "Do you need to see a doctor son?"

"No, it hurts but I'll live," Adam replied. "What are we going to do about Joe?"

"I don't know," Ben admitted with a sigh. "He's always been a risk taker, this though..." he trailed off uncertainly.

"It's almost like he has a death wish."

"I wouldn't say that big brother," Hoss offered as he joined them. "I'd say it's more like he's trying to prove his manhood," he added thoughtfully.

"What makes you say that Hoss?" Ben asked curiously.

Hoss thought it over carefully. "Well sir, Joe ain't just taking risks he's also dating every girl that shows the slightest interest. Thing is, he don't ever date any of them more than a couple of times."

"Aw Hoss, Joe's always had an eye for the girls," Adam scoffed. His tone made it clear he didn't think much of Hoss' theory.

"Now hold on Adam, your brother might be on to something. How is his behavior different now than from what it was before?" he asked Hoss.

"It's more extreme. When he was a kid he'd date a girl for a few months and then move on to a new one. Now though, well now it's like I said, he dates them a couple times before he's got a new one."

Ben thought it over, he was glad Hoss had pointed out the behavior he'd noticed. Ben had of course realized that Joe didn't have a steady girl and hadn't for some time, but he hadn't realized that he was behaving like a playboy. It didn't surprise him that Hoss had been the one to notice the difference. Joe wouldn't be likely to share his exploits with his father and Adam was so much older that he would be equally unlikely to share them with him. Hoss on the other hand was close enough to Joe's age that the boy would be inclined to talk to him, if he were going to talk to anybody. Of course, it didn't hurt either, that Hoss was the least likely to judge his behavior harshly, only cautioning him to be careful if he felt a warning was needed. "I hadn't noticed," he mumbled.

"Well you know Joe, he isn't likely to tell you or Adam about his dates," Hoss smiled, unknowingly echoing his father's thoughts.

"Do you have any idea why your brother would feel he needs to prove, as you put it, his manhood?"

"No sir, I haven't been able to figure it out," Hoss replied. Absently scratching his head, he considered the problem. "I reckon it might be his size, but I don't know why he all of a sudden thinks he needs to prove it or who he's trying to prove it to."

"Maybe to himself," Adam suggested. He too couldn't understand why a man of nearly twenty would suddenly feel the need to prove he was a man.

"Could be," Hoss amicably agreed.

Ben looked between them, "Could be he's trying to prove it to us. Adam you told me what you said to him down at the corral and I know I didn't listen when he tried to tell me he could break that horse."

"You did the right thing Dad," Adam quickly assured him. "How could you think of letting Joe or anybody else try to break that devil horse? He'd already crippled two men," he quietly reminded him.

"What horse...Widowmaker?" Hoss gasped. "You telling me Joe rode that thing?"

Adam nodded, "Rode him to a standstill, but that's not the point. He could just as easily have been killed or crippled, it's only dumb luck that he succeeded."

"Dumb luck?" Joe asked. "That what you really think Adam? I'm just some dumb kid that got lucky?"

All three men turned towards the front door, surprise written on their faces. "Now Joe, you know Adam didn't mean it like that," Hoss immediately tried to placate the youngest.

"Didn't he?"

"Don't put words in my mouth Hoss," Adam angrily interrupted.

"That's enough," Ben growled, ending the argument before it could start.

"Nice to know where I stand," Joe mumbled.

"Joseph," Ben snapped in a warning tone.

"Sorry Dad, but he wouldn't be saying I was a dumb kid if I was just one of the hands," Joe protested.

"You're right Joe I wouldn't; if you were one of the hands I would've just fired you for disobeying orders," Adam firmly pointed out.

"Even after that hand rode a horse to a standstill that everybody else said couldn't be broken? Even if he just saved this ranch several hundred dollars? I'll just bet you'd fire a hand who did that big brother," Joe scoffed.

"Joe I want to know why you disobeyed my orders and I want to know now," Ben sternly ordered.

"Like I told Adam, Miss Bowers wanted to see some bronc busting."

"You could have chosen another horse."

"I guess I could have, but I knew I could break Widowmaker and I hated to see him getting put down without giving him every chance."

"I see," Ben said. "How did you know?"

Joe shrugged, "I just knew."

"That's not an answer son."

"It's the only one I have," Joe sullenly retorted.

"You better watch your tone boy," Adam snapped. It was one thing for Joe to treat him that way but he wasn't going to get away with treating their father with anything less than respect.

"Go to hell Adam," Joe snapped. Before his father could say anything he ran up the stairs to his room. Grabbing some clean clothes, he hurried down the hall to the bathroom. If he knew his father, and he did, he'd spend a few minutes downstairs taking Adam to task for treating him more like his child than his brother. He knew it would be his turn next, only he had no intention of listening to a lecture on his many misdeeds. Joe was sure his father and brothers were treating him like a kid only because he was the youngest. If it had been Adam or Hoss who had rode that horse to a standstill nobody would have said a word. Of course they wouldn't have done it; Hoss was too large for breaking horses while Adam was too cautious to take the risk of riding a horse like Widowmaker.

Downstairs Ben's attention was divided between glaring at Adam and shooting concerned glances up the stairs towards Joe's room. "That went well," he sarcastically observed.

"I'm sorry Dad but he had no right talking to you in that tone."

"If that's so Adam, don't you think I'm capable of correcting my own son?" Ben gently asked.

Adam looked to Hoss for support, not really surprised when he didn't find any from that quarter. "I wasn't questioning your ability as a parent Dad."

"Weren't you?" Ben didn't wait for an answer, better to give Adam time to think about his own mistakes today. Perhaps, after some reflection, he would handle things more adroitly next time. Walking up the stairs, he braced himself for the coming conversation with his youngest. Raising his hand to knock on Joe's door, he paused, turning his head towards the room on the other side of the hall and the sound of running water. He should have known; obviously his most volatile of sons was doing his best to avoid any further recriminations. Ben chuckled silently, maybe Joe was smarter than all of them put together. Well don't let it be said that Ben Cartwright couldn't take a hint; he would follow the boy's lead and take time to cool down before continuing the conversation. He only hoped that he would have a better idea of what to say, by then, that would convince Joe he didn't need to take crazy risks or date every girl in Nevada to prove he was indeed a man.

TBC

Hope y'all like this new Alternate universe for Bonanza and my first attempt at a Bonanza fanfic. Please feed the muse with reviews. I'll do my best to reply to every signed review.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Bonanza, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst, Violence, AU

Rating: FRT

The Importance of Family

Chapter 2

The talk Ben had planned to have with his youngest didn't go as well as he had hoped. The fact it was delayed until later that night didn't help matters any. He had planned to talk to Joe after dinner, instead he had found himself talking to Mike Bowers before dinner, a very angry Mike Bowers.

"Mr. Cartwright I didn't bring my daughter here so she could be played with and tossed aside." The irate father faced off with the head of Ponderosa Outfitters, his blue eyes flashing with anger.

Ben schooled his features to show a calmness he didn't feel as he was confronted by the angry father. "I'm sorry Mr. Bowers, I'm not sure what you're talking about."

"Oh I'll just bet you don't," Bowers growled. "I'm talking about that young playboy you've raised."

Since nobody would ever think of his two older sons as playboys and Bowers wasn't looking at either of them, Ben assumed he meant Joe. "I wouldn't say Joe is a playboy Mr. Bowers, but he is young and no where near ready to settle down."

"I understand that Mr. Cartwright, but that doesn't excuse what he did."

Ben sighed, silently asking for patience from above, "Mr. Bowers could you please tell me what Joe did?"

The other man's calm, reasoned tone did nothing to temper Mike's anger, rather Ben's calmness in the face of his hostility only served to stoke his anger. "What he did?" he yelled. "I'll tell you what he did. That boy took my little girl out on a date," he snapped.

Ben glanced away, biting his lip to refrain from laughing.

"I don't understand what the problem is Mr. Bowers," Hoss stepped in. He knew his little brother had been dating a lot of girls lately, so he could be considered a playboy, but he wouldn't ever treat them badly so why was this man so angry?

"You don't..." Mike trailed off, shaking his head. "I've heard about that young man, out with a different woman just about every night. Playing fast and loose with their feelings, taking advantage of them. I won't have it Mr. Cartwright," he went on, turning his attention back to Ben. "I want it stopped and I want it stopped now."

Ben blew out an exasperated breath. "Mr. Bowers how old is your daughter?"

"That doesn't change what your son is doing."

"Mr. Bowers, please."

"Fine, she's twenty-one."

Ben let out a short laugh, quickly biting it off. "Are you aware Mr. Bowers that Joe is not yet twenty?"

Mike Bowers wasn't to be mollified by that, however, "That doesn't change anything. He's still a playboy and is obviously taking advantage of my little girl."

Adam snorted. Thoroughly fed up with the pompous ass standing in their living room, he put his two cents in. "Mr. Bowers your little girl has been chasing after my brother since she got here. In fact this afternoon she flirted and challenged him to the point that he attempted to ride a killer horse just to impress her." Adam ignored the small voice that reminded him that impressing the girl had only been a part of it. After all, there was no way to determine what had tipped the scale for Joe in favor of taking such a crazy risk. "It is only because my little brother is such an excellent rider that he was successful rather than being crippled as the previous two riders were. Your little girl didn't stick around to congratulate him though, the moment I showed up, angry at him for taking the risk, she took off."

"So she doesn't like to hear men yelling at each other, I hardly see what that has to do with your brother taking advantage of Sarah."

Adam narrowed his eyes. "Seems to me," he calmly continued, "it's Joe we should be worried about being hurt, not your daughter."

"How dare you!" Bowers snapped. "Are you going to allow your son to speak this way to me Cartwright?"

Ben looked between the two men, as if considering his decision, though in truth he was trying to calm himself down. "Mr. Bowers as your daughter is an adult, more than capable of taking care of herself, there isn't anything I can or will do to keep Joe from dating her. As for Adam, I couldn't agree with him more. Now if you'll excuse me, we were just about to sit down to a family dinner."

"You'll regret this Cartwright," Bowers promised. "I'll make sure everybody knows about my dissatisfaction with Ponderosa Outfitters." Without another word, Mike turned and stalked outside, slamming the door behind him.

"Well that went well," Ben sarcastically observed as the other man stormed from the house. It was times like these that he was glad he'd made the decision long ago that paying guests would have their own dining area.

"Don't worry about him Dad, he's nothing more than a bag of hot air," Adam advised.

Ben shot his oldest an incredulous look. "I'm not worried about him badmouthing us. We have a solid reputation, which I doubt Mr. Bowers could have any affect on."

"But you are worried?" Hoss asked.

Ben sat down at the table, glancing at Hoss through steepled fingers. "I am Hoss," he confirmed. "I didn't realize that Bowers' daughter had anything to do with Joe riding Widowmaker and frankly it worries me. I've seen your brother do some crazy things to impress a girl before, but he's always had enough sense not to do anything too dangerous, until now."

Adam sighed, he hadn't meant to add to his father's worries. "I don't think the girl was the only reason Dad, or even the main reason. She may or may not have tipped the scales for him, but she was just one factor."

"Thank you son, but I'm not sure that makes me feel any better," Ben admitted with a grim smile.

Unaware of the confrontation between the two fathers, Joe was having a great time. He and Sarah had gone for a drive, neither of them in any hurry to be around other people. Speeding along curving mountain roads, Joe expertly steered his classic Fiat Spider through the turns, a delighted grin on his face.

From the time he'd gotten his driver's liscence, Joe had loved the feeling of power beneath his hands as he sped along the back roads. Combined with the speed, it gave him a feeling of freedom and control over his own destiny; something he'd always, it seemed, felt the need for. As the youngest in his family, he'd always had somebody looking out for him. It was a feeling he'd loved when he was younger, but as he'd gotten older he began to rebel against it. The sense of loving protectiveness changing to a feeling of being controlled by others.

"This is really fun Joe, but do you think we could stop somewhere for a little while?" Sarah asked, breaking into his thoughts.

Joe turned towards the woman at his side, anticipation lighting his eyes as he took in the seductive look she was giving him. "I know just the place," he grinned.

Sarah returned the smile, "I thought you might," she purred. Sarah had known this boy would be the perfect means to escape her overbearing father's watchful eye. She had no doubt he would object to her date with Joe, but if he knew who she really intended to see, he'd whisk her back to New York so fast it would make her head spin. Of course, she hadn't really given him a chance to object to Joe, but with the younger man right there at the ranch, it was easier to sneak off with him first. It was a shame really that she had to use Joe this way, he seemed like a nice boy, she mused. Giving a mental shrug, she told herself that he would understand, after all he had to deal with overbearing relatives too.

She smiled as they pulled onto a hidden road, parking a moment later next to a beautiful lake. It was just as Tom had described it to her when they'd made their plans. Luckily the cowboy knew Joe well enough to know that he would bring her here the moment she suggested they spend some time alone.

Joe frowned when he saw the battered jeep already parked at the lake. "I'm sorry Sarah, guess we'll have to find someplace else to be alone," he apologized. He reached for the gear shift, stopping when a soft hand covered his.

"Actually Joe this is right where I wanted to come," Sarah quietly began. Licking her lips, she suddenly realized how difficult this was going to be. She hadn't really thought before how this might make Joe feel. She'd been so sure he'd understand her reasons that it hadn't occurred to her, until now, that her plans might hurt him. "I'm sorry Joe, I should've told you the truth."

"The truth?" Joe asked. He was confused by her words and the distance he could feel her putting between them.

"Yeah kid," Tom interrupted as he came up to the car.

"Tom? What are you talking about?" Joe was growing more confused by the moment.

"Just picking up my date Little Joe," Tom smirked. He laughed at the expression on Cartwright's face. "You didn't think she'd want to go out with a little boy when she could have a man, did you?"

Joe glared at Tom before turning to face Sarah. Seeing the truth on her pretty face, his face burned with humiliation. "Why didn't you just go out with him to begin with? Why lie to me?"

"I'm sorry Joe," Sarah whispered. "My dad would never let me date somebody like Tom, it was the only way I could think of to get away from your ranch without him knowing the truth."

Tom opened Sarah's door, a smirk on his face. "Like I said, thanks for bringing my date. Now why don't you go along like a good little boy," he sneered.

With those words, Joe felt his control snap. Drawing his legs up, he braced himself on the door frame and seat, launching himself from the small convertible. He didn't waste words on the cowboy; hurtling himself at the older man, he laid into him with his fists.

It was a short fight. Joe had been in plenty of fights and knew how to take care of himself, but Tom was half a foot taller than him and outweighed him by fifty pounds. Add to that the ten years of experience the other man had on him, and Joe didn't stand a chance of winning the fight. As he lay in the dirt, dazed from the fight, he heard Tom's jeep start up, followed by the sound of Sarah and Tom laughing as they drove away.

"Are you sure he's going to be all right Tom?" Sarah asked as she let him escort her to the jeep. She had been shocked when Joe had launched himself at Tom. He had no right to attack the man like that; they weren't going together. A small voice, which she chose to ignore, reminded her that Joe had every right to feel angry about being used.

"Oh sure honey, he'll be fine. Joe's a hot-headed kid, I guarantee you this isn't the first fight he's been in and lost," he assured her with a laugh. Leaning over he kissed her cheek as he started the jeep, "You're cute when you worry." The teasing had the effect he hoped for, bringing an embarrassed laugh from the young woman.

After a while, Joe pulled himself up, staggering back to his car and sliding behind the wheel. Glancing at his watch, he saw it was nearly eleven. "Damn, how long was I laying there?" he wondered. Well at least he wouldn't have to figure out whether to go home yet or not. By this time of night his family should all be in bed. Starting the car he headed towards the ranch. As he drove, he wondered if Sarah had gotten back yet. With that thought he realized that if she felt the need to sneak around behind her father's back then he might be waiting up for her. If she hadn't returned yet and he showed up alone... "What I'm worrying about? If she gets caught lying to her old man it's her own fault."

When Joe pulled up to the ranch house he saw that his suspicions had been right on the money. As he moved the car into his normal parking space, his headlights caught a figure near the corner of the house. Sighing heavily, he turned the car off and slowly got out of the vehicle.

"Where the hell is my daughter Cartwright?" Mike Bowers demanded.

"I wouldn't know Mr. Bowers, why don't you ask her where she went when she gets home," he snapped. He was trying to keep a hold of his infamous temper, not an easy task when he was in pain and feeling like ten kinds of a fool.

Bowers narrowed his eyes as the boy moved past him and into the light of the porch light. Reaching out he grabbed Joe's shoulder, spinning him around. "What is that supposed to mean? She left here with you and now you come back alone, looking like you went three rounds with Mike Tyson. If you hurt my little girl Cartwright..."

Joe's anger flared, "Me hurt her?" he yelled. "I never laid a hand on her, I wouldn't ever hurt a woman, no matter what she did to me."

"Surely you're not trying to tell me that Sarah did that to you?"

"No, but it was because of her. Your daughter just used me to get away from you so she could go out with one of the local cowboys. I didn't appreciate being used or the stuff he said to me and we got in a fight."

"You expect me to believe that?"

Joe rubbed a hand tiredly through his hair. "Believe what you want Mr. Bowers," he snapped. Turning away from the older man, he again started towards the house. As he stepped onto the porch, he looked back at Sarah's father. "You could always wait up and see who she comes home with if you don't believe me. The man's name is Tom Rivers, he's driving an old jeep and probably has a few bruises of his own." Straightening, he headed into the house; his only plan, to take a hot shower and fall into bed.

Ben looked up from his book as the door opened. He waited for Joe to set the alarm before he spoke. "I'd like to talk to you Joseph," he calmly stated.

Joe jerked in surprise, his heart falling to his stomach. "Could it wait for morning Dad?" He had to try, though he knew it was useless. As expected, his father denied his request, insisting that he join him in the family room.

"I am proud of what you accomplished with Widowmaker Joe," he began. The lift his words brought to the young man's shoulders wasn't unexpected, nor was the fall of those same shoulders his next words brought. "However, that doesn't excuse the fact that you ignored my order, endangering not only yourself but everybody around that corral."

Joe could feel his temper rising. He bit his lip, a small whimper escaping as his teeth scraped at the already sore skin.

"Joe?" Ben questioned.

Joe could hear the questions and concern contained in that one word. He didn't want to answer any of them, but he knew it would be useless to try to avoid them. "I'm fine Dad, just a little sore I guess."

"Sore? Adam didn't say anything about you getting thrown."

"I didn't," Joe admitted. "I ran into a little trouble tonight..."

"You were in a fight you mean?" Ben cut him off.

Joe winced, clearly hearing the disappointment in his father's voice.

"When are you going to learn to control that temper of your's young man?"

"Why do you assume that it was my temper that caused the fight?" Joe angrily demanded. "It never even occurred to you that maybe I had a good reason for being in a fight, did it? No," he continued, answering his own question. "Of course it didn't. I'm just the dumb kid around here, isn't that it Dad? The stupid little boy that isn't ever going to grow up, right?" he yelled.

"I never said any such thing Joe," Ben denied. He was shocked by the anger coming from his youngest.

"Didn't you Dad?" Joe scoffed. "If Adam had come to you, and said I think I can break Widowmaker, would you have told him to drop it?"

"Yes I would have, that horse was too dangerous for anybody to ride."

"Maybe you would have," Joe conceded, "but you would have heard him out first. You wouldn't have cut him off before he could explain and just told him to drop it. Just like you wouldn't be telling Adam to watch his temper if he was in a fight; you'd ask him what happened first."

Ben sighed, he hadn't realized he was treating his youngest unfairly. Maybe Joe had a point, but then lately the boy had been acting more like a sixteen year old kid instead of a nearly twenty year old man. "You're right, but then Adam doesn't act like a bad tempered child, did you think of that?" He couldn't seem to help giving into the need to defend himself.

It hurt, more than he could say, to know his father felt that way about him. As he opened his mouth to respond, he suddenly realized there was nothing he could say that would convince his father he deserved the same respect as his brothers. Turning away, he hurried up the stairs to the bathroom.

Ben sank back into his chair, shaking his head at his own stupidity. The boy had just told him, in so many words, that he felt he wasn't being treated with the same respect as his brothers. Like a fool, his response was to accuse him of acting like a bad tempered child. He wanted nothing more than to follow Joe upstairs. The need to apologize was nearly overwhelming, but he didn't move. His own temper was too close to the surface to allow any hurt feelings to be soothed, in fact if he tried he'd likely only make it worse.

TBC

Sorry it took so long to update, this chapter was being a real bear. Hope y'all like it, please feed the muse with reviews.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Bonanza, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst

Rating: FRT

Italics dream

The Importance of Family

Chapter 3

_The hallway was long and narrow, lined by doors on either side of the plain white walls. Joe could hear a haunting tune playing somewhere in the background. The song was familiar, he was sure he'd heard it somewhere before, but he couldn't remember where. He found himself wondering what the doors hid, yet he ignored them all, his feet inexorably drawn to the door at the end of the hall. _

_The hall seemed to go on forever, with every foot he traveled it felt as if the hall grew another two feet in length. He would never reach the end at this rate. What was behind that door? Why couldn't he ever reach it? With growing determination and a feeling of desperation, Joe broke into a run in an effort to close the distance between him and the door._

_"You'll only wear yourself out that way Joe," Adam admonished in that superior tone Joe had long ago learned to hate._

_Whirling around, he glared at his older brother. "What do you know about it?" he snapped._

_Adam sighed, "I know that you have to stop and think Joe if you want to reach the door."_

_"You always think you know everything don't you Adam? What are you doing here anyway? This is my dream, isn't it?"_

_"Oh yes, this is your dream little brother. A dream you obviously feel you need my help to solve, why else would I be here?"_

_Joe snorted, "Butting in where you're not wanted."_

_"Sorry to disappoint you Little Joe, but I'm only here because you invited me."_

_Joe heaved a frustrated sigh, "Fine, since you're here what would you suggest?"_

_Adam stared down the hall, examining the doors on either side of the hall and comparing them to the one at the end. "Well, the doors on the side seem to stay in place don't they?"_

_"I guess so," Joe replied, puzzled by where this was going._

_"Maybe the trick is to open those doors first," Adam suggested._

_"How is that going to help me get to that door?" Joe demanded, pointing down the hall at the offending door._

_Adam shrugged, "I don't know, but it's worth a shot isn't it?"_

_Joe gave a small nod and pulled open the closest door, stepping through, he smiled when he realized where he was. This was his 18th birthday party. His dad and brothers had arranged it as a surprise. They had even managed to convince him that they had forgotten in the crush of work needing done. So it had come as a shock to walk into the restaurant/bar owned by his father's friend Sam, resigned to a lonely meal, only to have his family and friends jump out, yelling surprise. _

_Moving further into the room, he found other memories, some newer, some older, but all taking place within the last two years._

_"Seen enough?" Adam asked, interrupting him._

_Joe turned back, irritated with his brother, "Nobody asked you to stay."_

_"You did," Adam calmly countered._

_"When?"_

_"I'm here, aren't I?"_

_God, even in my dreams he's a pompous ass, Joe silently groused. "Why are you here?"_

_"Logic of course little brother," Adam smiled. _

_Behind the smirk, Joe could easily see the love his brother held for him, the smirk still made him angry. "You saying I'm not logical?" he growled._

_"Well now shortshanks you do tend to look before ya leap," Hoss spoke from behind him._

_Joe whirled, how had Hoss gotten here and why hadn't he seen him?_

_"You needed me to keep you calm so ya wouldn't lose sight of what Adam was trying to tell you."_

_"You reading my mind now?" He gave a sheepish grin at the amused look his brothers shared. "Right, you are part of my mind, both of you are. So now what?"_

_"Go to the next door," Adam suggested._

_Hoss said nothing, his role was to offer the emotional support Joe needed and he understood that. _

_Without a word, Joe led the way out of the room and headed for the next door. As he threw open the door, he wondered what he would find this time. More memories, big surprise there, he smirked. These memories were a little older though. Sixteen and newly licensed, he had wrecked the car his father had bought him only three weeks later. It was the last new car he owned for a while. His dad had insisted that since the wreck had been caused by his speeding and general recklessness, he should pay for all damages and earn his next vehicle. _

_At the time, Joe had been furious. All he could see was the unfairness of it all. He had several friends who had done the same thing and their parents had immediately bought them new cars. Even Tony's parents had replaced his car and he had not only been speeding, he'd been drunk when he had his accident. By the time Joe had earned enough to pay for the damages he'd caused and replace his car with an older model, Tony had wrecked his third car. He didn't walk away from that one though, instead he was killed just two weeks shy of his seventeenth birthday. It was then that Joe had realized what a favor his father had done him and suddenly his punishment didn't seem so unfair._

_Deciding he didn't want to spend anymore time in this room, Joe turned and left. Moving to the next door, he opened it, expecting to see memories from his fourteenth or fifteenth years, instead the memories here were from when he was only five. "This doesn't make any sense," he mumbled._

_"Memories don't always make sense, likely a sound or smell triggered this memory, bringing it to the surface," Adam logically theorized._

_Joe shuddered, he didn't want to be here! He turned to leave, a high-pitched laugh of pure joy froze him in his tracks. "Mama," he whispered, turning back to watch the memory unfold. Marie flew across the meadow on the horse's back, her long hair trailing out behind her. In spite of knowing how the memory would end, Joe couldn't help the grin that crossed his face. The joy his mother clearly felt in this simple act was an infectious thing. Nobody would be able to hold back the smile such happiness demanded. _

_All too soon, he saw his five year old self stepping onto the porch. He looked up at Hoss, grateful for the big man's silent support as he witnessed the scene. The little boy standing there watched his mother for a few minutes, grinning when she turned towards him. He raised his hand to wave to her as she came galloping up in the direction of the house. She raised her hand to return his wave when the horse, spooked by something, raised up. Taken by surprise and with only one hand holding the reins, Marie was easily unseated, her neck snapping as she hit the ground. Joe fled, running into the hall and slamming the door of his memory behind him._

Joe sat up in his bed, breathing heavily, he struggled to regain control of himself. Looking wildly around the room, he tried to remember what he had been dreaming of. All he could remember was the sound of a song that for some reason left him feeling slightly ill, but he didn't know why. Why wasn't he able to recall the dream? Swiping a shaking hand through his sweat soaked curls, Joe wished he could remember what the dream was about; at least he thought he did. Deciding there was nothing he could do about it tonight, he quickly changed sweat covered pajamas and put clean sheets on the bed before climbing back between the sheets.

Mike Bowers sat in the shadows of the cabin he was sharing with his daughter. He hated to believe what the Cartwright boy had told him, but he couldn't deny there was a ring of truth to his words. If the boy had lied though, God have mercy on him, because Mike surely wouldn't.

Sarah laughed as Tom took a curve, the rickety old jeep feeling like it was going to tip over, making her feel alive. It was too bad she couldn't always feel this way. Of course, she supposed it she did it would get old pretty quickly. No, much better to save this sort of cheap thrill for vacations. The rush she got from slumming with a guy like Tom, taking risks she would never take back home, was what got her through the rest of her, admittedly, boring life.

As the sign for the Ponderosa came into view, Sarah sighed. The night was over too soon, as always, but there was nothing to be done about it. She couldn't chance her father catching her with somebody like the down at the heels cowboy beside her. There was no telling what he might do, it was even possible that he would disown her, leaving her to, she shuddered, work for a living. "Damn," she cursed as Tom pulled into the driveway, letting his jeep coast to a silent stop.

"What's wrong babe?" Tom asked, confused by her outburst.

"Don't you see it?" she snapped, pointing to Joe's car.

"So?" He didn't understand, why did she care if Joe was here?

"So?" she nearly screeched. "What if my father saw him?"

"Why are you so upset? You're an adult, ain't ya?" Suddenly Tom wondered if maybe she had lied to him. Oh God, what if she were underage? He could go to prison if she had. He began to tremble as the thought of prison came to him.

"Of course, but that doesn't mean my father wouldn't throw a fit. I told you that's why I had to sneak out to see you," she impatiently explained.

Mike hung his head, damn he hated eating crow. It was clear, as he listened to their conversation, that he would be chewing on the tough bird in the morning when he spoke to Mr. Cartwright.

"I had fun Tom," Sarah smiled. Leaning over, she gave him one last kiss. "I better go in now, though, don't want Dad to know how late I'm coming in." She didn't give the cowboy a chance to answer, simply climbing out of the jeep and stepping away.

Mike waited for Tom to leave before making his presence known. "Have a good time Sarah?"

Sarah yelped, jumping a foot, one hand resting on her chest as if to contain her racing heart. "Dad! You scared me half to death."

"You didn't answer my question," Mike pointed out.

"It's not what it looks like Dad."

"No? So you didn't leave here with Joe Cartwright and then meet up with some drifter?"

"Well, um, I am an adult," she asserted. Sarah hoped that if she came across as strong her father would respect her decisions and wishes.

"No Sarah you're not," Mike sighed. "An adult doesn't sneak around like a rebellious teenager."

Sarah bit her lip nervously, "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to get some sleep and then in the morning, after we pack, I'm going to apologize to Mr. Cartwright and his son."

"Apologize?" Sarah was puzzled.

"Yes, that's what adults do when they realize they were in the wrong. If you want to be taken seriously as an adult Sarah, you should consider an apology of your own."

"You're not...I thought you'd..." Sarah trailed off. She had been so sure her father would be screaming at her, threatening to disown her, if he ever found out about her slumming.

"You thought I'd what?"

"Disown me," Sarah meekly replied.

"Why would I disown you? Because you lied to me?"

Sarah shook her head, "For hanging out with somebody like Tom."

"What do you mean, like Tom?" Mike asked. He knew what his own objections to Tom were, but he wondered if Sarah really understood why he would have a problem with the man. He suspected, much to his own shame, that she didn't.

"Because he's just a poor cowboy," Sarah's tone clearly said the answer was obvious.

Mike hung his head, he'd obviously failed his child if she thought so poorly of him. "Sarah, honey, I could care less about the boy's financial status."

"You could?"

"My problem with him and those like him is the sneakiness and underhandedness. If he were really the right sort of man he would have come to the door and picked you up for a proper date. There would have been no need for him to see you on the sly."

"That was my fault, I told him you wouldn't approve," Sarah confessed.

"No Sarah, you're wrong. A real man, a man with integrity would have refused to date you if he had to sneak around behind my back. A man who respected you would never treat you like some dirty secret, even if you told him it was necessary. I won't force you to apologize to Joe Cartwright, but I suggest you think about what we've said here tonight. I hope you'll see that it is the only right thing to do. Goodnight sweetheart." Quietly turning away, Mike Bowers fell back into the shadows, leaving his daughter to think.

TBC

Sorry it took so long to update. I've had an incredibly busy and stressful summer. I will do my best to update quicker next time, but rest assured I haven't abandoned the story. Please feed the muse with reviews.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Bonanza, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst, AU

Rating: FRT

The Importance of Family

Chapter 4

"What do you boys have planned for today?" Ben asked as they sat down to breakfast.

Adam looked up from his cup of coffee, "I've got a meeting with Mr. Phelps."

Ben frowned, "Any luck getting permission to cross his land?"

"Not yet," Adam sighed. "I think, though, after I give him our proposal today he'll be willing to let us use that trail."

"What are we gonna do if he won't?" Hoss asked.

Adam shook his head, "We'll have to use the ridge trail to get to the falls."

"That's going to limit who we could take to the falls," Joe put in.

Ben nodded, Joe was right, the ridge trail was too dangerous for any but the most experienced riders to use. "If he doesn't agree I want you to go see Mr. Simmons and have him come up with a waiver for any guests who want to go to the falls."

Adam smiled, as usual his father and he were thinking along the same lines. "Already planned to Dad."

"What's Phelps problem anyway?" Joe asked.

"He's worried that our guests will damage his property."

Joe shot his brother an incredulous look, "You're kidding?"

"Nope," Adam smirked. "Ah Joe, you know how these city guys are. They buy a place up here, dreaming about getting away from all the noise and people in the city. Then they find out, that even up here you have to consider your neighbors and work with them, it's hard for them to accept. I will give Phelps this much, with the way some of our guests have behaved in the past, his worries aren't completely unfounded."

Joe reluctantly nodded, "I guess so. Still, it's not like they're going to burn down buildings or anything."

"No, but they do leave litter behind." Smiling softly, Adam lifted his cup and took a sip. "I'm sure once I assure Mr. Phelps that we won't let any guest use that trail without one of us along to make sure there's no trouble, he'll let us use the trail just like the Petersons did."

Any reply Joe might have given was interrupted by a knock on the door. Being nearest to the entry, he stood up and walked the short distance to it, pulling the solid wood door open. "Mr. Bowers," he curtly greeted the older man. "What can we do for you?"

Mike took a deep breath, damn, but he hated apologizing. "Actually Joseph I came to apologize to you," he quietly replied.

Ben stood up and joined Joe at the door, "Mr. Bowers, come in," he invited the other man.

"Thank you Mr. Cartwright," Mike acknowledged the older man. "As I was just telling your son, I came to apologize to him and to you too for that matter."

Ben's eyebrow went up, "Oh?"

"Yes sir, I waited up for Sarah last night. Seems my daughter made a fool of us both," he added, turning to Joe.

Joe nodded.

"I'm sorry for the things I said last night and for the trouble my daughter caused."

"Apology accepted," Joe responded, at the same time as his father. Taking the hand the older man offered, he shook it, glad there had been no serious trouble from the night before.

"Well, that was all I came for," Mike uncomfortably continued. "I'll be recommending your place to my friends Mr. Cartwright," he assured Ben, shaking his hand before he left the house.

With a smile, Ben clapped Joe on the back, steering him back to the table. "Can't a man eat in peace," he mildly grumbled as the phone rang before he could sit down. "Good morning, Ponderosa Outfitters."

"Hello Ben," a familiar voice greeted him.

Ben smiled broadly, instantly recognizing the voice of his old friend. "Jason, how have you been?"

"I've been good Ben, how are you and the boys?"

"Oh, we're all doing well."

Jason smiled, his blue eyes twinkling. "The place keeping you busy?"

"Most of the time, we only have a couple of guests at the moment though."

"So you won't have any trouble putting me up for a week or so?"

Ben laughed, "You know we always have room for you old friend."

"Glad to hear it Ben," Jason smiled, giving an exaggerated sigh of relief.

Ben chuckled good-naturedly, "When will you be here?"

"Next week all right?"

"That'll be fine Jason, it'll be good to see you."

"Right back at you Ben," Jason returned. "Well I'll let you go now, see you next week."

"See you then Jason, bye."

"Jason Lewis?" Adam asked when Ben joined them at the table.

Ben nodded, "He'll be here next week."

Adam smiled, "It'll be good to see him again."

"It's sure been a long time since Mr. Lewis came for a visit," Hoss observed.

Ben smiled, "Seven years." Helping himself to a couple of pancakes and some sausages, he began to eat. As conversation flowed around him, he paid no attention, his mind on the impending visit of his friend.

The past week had been busier than usual, given the number of guests they currently had, but it hadn't helped Joe any. In spite of dropping into bed each night, exhausted from a day of catching up with various chores or escorting the Millers, their two remaining guests on outings, he continued to experience the same strange dream. Joe'd had strange dreams before, of course, but he'd never had one that continued each night. That was just what it did too, continued, not repeated. Each night he would find himself, sometime after falling asleep, back in that hallway filled with doors, but the memories behind those doors changed each night as did whether or not his brothers were there. Joe sighed heavily, the only two things that stayed the same every time was the long hallway filled with doors and the haunting tune that he could never identify.

It was steadily getting worse, the tune now following him into his waking world. He didn't know how much longer he could handle this. He'd never been known for his patience and these cryptic dreams that wouldn't leave him alone, even for one night and only seemed to be growing worse, were stretching what little patience he possessed to its limits. Backing his dirt bike out of its spot in the small shed, which sat next to the garage, he prepared to get away from the house for a while and blow off some much needed steam.

Hoss came around the corner of the garage, his eyes widening in surprise at the sight he beheld. "Where ya going shortshanks?"

"Going for a ride, what's it look like?" Joe snapped.

Taken aback by the irritated tone of Joe's voice, he nevertheless plowed ahead. "I can't let you do that little brother..."

Joe whirled on him, his eyes flashing with anger as he stalked the few steps between them until he was standing toe to toe with his giant of a brother. "Let me?" he asked, his voice holding a dangerous tone that would make anybody listening think that of the two of them, he was the bigger threat, in spite of the size difference.

Hoss, usually the gentlest of men, saw red. He didn't know what was bothering Joe exactly, though he had a good idea that he felt the need to prove himself, but he'd had all he was going to take of being snapped at. "That's right Little Joe, let you," his own voice taking on a hard, dangerous edge. "I need your help fixing some fence. Maybe, if you get the work done early enough, you can go for a ride then." Clamping a large, meaty hand on the smaller man's shoulder, Hoss began to steer him towards the pick-up they'd be using to get to the fence section in need of repair. He wasn't prepared for the sudden twist of his little brother's body as he quickly escaped his hold. Hoss turned to grab Joe, but he wasn't fast enough; before he could take more than two steps, Joe was on his bike, kicking the engine to life. The bike was quickly in gear and roaring away from the ranch, leaving Hoss to scratch his head in puzzlement and concern.

"Did I just hear a dirt bike?" Adam asked as he joined him a moment later.

"Yeah," Hoss absently replied.

Adam shot a speculative look in the direction of the riding trails, "Joe?"

Hoss nodded, "I don't know what's got into him Adam."

"I don't either Hoss, but I plan to put a stop to it."

Hoss sighed, it was never a good sign when Adam got that tone, especially if it concerned Joe. "Now Adam, don't you think we should let Dad handle it?"

Adam shook his head, "How? All he's been doing is letting Joe have his head without even trying to rein him in."

"He's not a horse," Hoss immediately protested. He never liked it when Adam seemed to forget that Joe was his brother, not his son, and he sure as hell wasn't a piece of horseflesh in need of taming. For a smart man, Adam sure could be stupid sometimes and he told him as much.

"Stupid?" Adam bristled. "That's rich coming from a man that barely finished high school."

Hoss glowered at his brother. "There's more to being smart than knowing facts and figures big brother, it's about time you figured that out for yourself." Turning on his bootheel, he stalked off in search of their father. He hoped the older man would be able to come up with some way to help Joe with whatever was bothering him.

Joe rode away from the main ranch house as if a thousand demons were chasing after him. As he rode, the haunting tune from his dreams began to play in his mind. After the incident with Sarah Bowers, he'd been successfully clamping down on the urge to take crazy risks or act the playboy. Then the dreams had started, each one becoming stranger and more disturbing than the last, until he felt as if he were walking on the knife edge of discovery. The question was, did he want to discover whatever his dreams were trying to tell him or would it be better to shove the dream back under whatever rock had been hiding it? He had no idea what the dream was about, or where the tune came from; what he did know, was that the dreams had him on edge, renewing his urge for risk-taking and playboy behavior.

Distracted by his thoughts, Joe didn't see the newly fallen tree across the trail until it was too late. Turning the dirtbike sideways, his front tire hit the tree at a slight angle so that he wasn't thrown quite as hard as he would have been. The thud of a body hitting the hard, unforgiving, earth was followed by a cry of pain that rent the air, disturbing the animals for a mile around.

Joe blinked his eyes open, sometime later, moaning in pain. What happened? he asked himself. How did I get here? Shifting slightly, flames of pain licked at his back, bringing with them memories of the accident he'd had. "Damned idiot," he cursed himself as he quickly fell back into the waiting darkness.

TBC

Sorry it took so long to update, but I promise, even if I take a while sometimes, I'm not abandoning the story. Please feed the muse with reviews.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Bonanza, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst

Rating: FRT

The Importance of Family

Chapter 5

Hoss looked towards the trail his little brother had disappeared down hours earlier. He told himself he was being paranoid, it wouldn't be the first time Joe had lost track of time riding the trails, coming in well after dark. Something was telling him, though, that his youngest brother was in trouble.

Hoss was a man who had lived close to nature all of his life, had in fact always felt more comfortable around animals than people. Animals didn't play games; a man never had to guess what they really wanted or worry about offending them. Just make sure they had food, shelter and a little attention and they were perfectly happy. Having spent so much time with animals, he had learned to trust his instincts and right now those instincts were telling him that Joe was in trouble. Squaring his shoulders, he headed inside to find his father and older brother.

"Dad...Adam," Hoss called as he came inside.

"Your father's in his study Mr. Hoss," Hop Sing told him in answer to his call.

"Thanks Hop Sing," Hoss nodded, giving the small cook a wave of his hand as he headed for Ben's study.

"Come in Hoss," Ben responded to the knock on his door.

Hoss shrugged and walked into the study, "How'd you know it was me?"

Ben smiled, "Heard you hollering when you came in."

Hoss ducked his head, a sheepish look on his face. "Sorry about that."

"It's all right son, but what's so important that it had you hollering?"

"Well sir, um, I guess Adam told you that Little Joe took off on his dirt bike earlier?"

Ben frowned, "Yeah, he did and I plan to have a talk with him about shirking his chores when he gets back. He is back isn't he?" Ben asked, just noticing that it was nearly dark.

"No Dad he isn't, that's what I came looking for you about."

"Don't tell me you're worried about him," Adam scoffed, stepping into the room and conversation.

"And you ain't?" Hoss asked.

"Irritated, angry, exasperated, but not particularly worried, no," Adam calmly replied.

"I don't like him being out on the trails in the dark either Hoss," Ben spoke before an argument could begin. "I see where Adam's coming from though, it's not, after all, the first time Joe has ridden his dirt bike on the trails in the dark."

"I know it isn't Dad, but he was pretty mad when he left and besides my gut is telling me something's wrong," Hoss countered.

"So we're just supposed to drop everything and go looking for little brother, whose probably off sulking somewhere and doesn't need rescued?" Adam cooly asked.

Hoss glared at Adam, "You do what you want big brother, but I'm gonna go find our little brother. If it turns out he's just sulking then I'll drag him home and he can sulk here."

"Calm down both of you," Ben ordered just as Adam opened his mouth to reply. "Adam you know as well as I do that Hoss' gut isn't often wrong. So, we're going to take a few hands and we're going to search for Joseph. Hopefully he's not hurt and will just need a talking to, but I'm not willing to risk his life for the sake of stubbornness. Hoss you go gather up any supplies you think we'll need, Adam you go get a few of the hands to join us, I'll set up a search grid and have Hop Sing fix us up with some sandwiches and coffee to take along," Ben firmly ordered. He shook his head, smiling in amusement as both of his grown sons immediately left his study to carry out his orders.

Joe wasn't sure how long he'd been out this time, or how many times he'd woke up so far. Each time, he seemed a bit fuzzier than the last. At least the pain was getting better, he thought to himself. It didn't occur to him that it might not be a good sign. He idly wondered how long it would take his family to start looking for him. Would they start as soon as it neared dark, or would they wait until morning? Would they even notice he was gone?

"Why would they?" an oddly familiar voice asked.

Joe looked around, he hadn't even heard the man approach. "Because they love me," Joe replied, glaring at the man who stood just out of sight in the shadows.

"Then why didn't they know? If they loved you they would have known...and you wouldn't be hurting now," the man cryptically observed.

"There's no way for them to know I'm hurt," Joe argued. He wondered who this man was and why he thought he had a right to say anything against his family. "Who are you?"

The man made a tsking sound, "Why Joseph, I'm hurt that you don't recognize me."

"How can I when you stay hidden in the shadows?" Joe frowned. He felt like he should know who this man was, but the familiar stranger refused to step into the light, leaving him feeling frustrated and confused.

He could hear the smile in the man's voice when he replied, "You'll find out who I am in time."

Before Joe could ask what he meant the man was gone, making him wonder if he'd ever really been there. "Don't be stupid Joe, of course he was there," he told himself. He'd seen him, after all, even if he had been hidden in the shadows. His imagination might be good, but it wasn't that good anymore; he hadn't had an imaginary friend since he was six years old.

During the early part of the search, everybody stayed together, but when they came to the point in the trail where the paths diverged, it was necessary that they split up. Adam and Clem took the right hand path, while Hoss and Mick went to the left, Ben and Jeb would continue on the main trail. If none of them found Joe, they would meet up again where the trails came back together.

Adam groused as he and Clem rode slowly along the trail. In spite of his irritation with Joe, he understood the need to get away sometimes. But damn it, why couldn't he get away in the barn loft or escape into a book; why did he have to come out here where he could get hurt?

"We'll find him Adam," Clem offered after the silence had stretched on too long.

Adam nodded, he supposed they would; the question was what condition would he be in when they found him? The logical part of his mind couldn't believe he was even worrying, there was no evidence that Joe was in trouble, just Hoss' gut feeling. His brother's gut was seldom wrong, however, and it was that knowledge which spurred Adam on, allowing him to ignore his more logical side.

Hoss wasn't having any luck either, though unlike his brother he had no doubt that Joe was in trouble. He only hoped that the trouble wasn't too bad. As he knew Adam and his father were doing on their trails, Hoss kept shining his flashlight along one side of the trail, while Mick covered the other side. Silently he prayed as they searched that at any moment they would find Joe, pushing his bike and cursing whatever problem it had developed to put him on foot.

Ben shook his head at himself as he checked his radio once again; though he knew it was fine, a part of him kept hoping it was broken. It was an explanation for the silence that he preferred to the truth; Adam and Hoss hadn't found Joe either. The sound of a voice calling his name brought him from his thoughts. Hurrying over to Jeb's side, he looked down the embankment..."Joe," he whispered. "Call the boys and tell them where we are," he ordered Jeb as he moved quickly down the hill to his youngest.

He was so still, too still, Ben thought. Shakily he reached out, touching his fingers to Joe's neck. His shoulders sagged, there was a pulse, it was too fast and didn't seem as strong as it should, but at least there was a pulse. "Joe, son," Ben called, lightly slapping his son's face in an effort to bring him around. The only response he received was a weak moan that did nothing except increase his worry.

Hoss and Adam arrived at almost the same time. They exchanged an uneasy glance as they looked down the hill at their little brother lying still and bloody. "How bad is he hurt Dad?" Hoss called down, speaking for them both.

"I don't know Hoss," Ben replied. "He's unconscious and his pulse is fast, but it's there. Adam, I want you to radio Search and Rescue, tell them to send a chopper to Johnson's meadow, they'll have to hike in from there. Tell them to make sure and bring a back board with them."

Hoss paled, "Lord no, not his back," he whispered.

Adam patted his shoulder, "Don't worry Hoss, it's just a precaution," he soothed his younger brother. Recognizing that Hoss needed to do something, he called down to his father. "I'll make the call Dad; then Hoss and I'll go down to meet them, we'll be back with help in no time at all."

Ben nodded, his attention on his youngest. As his older sons rode off to bring help for the youngest, he silently prayed that they would return before Joe's condition grew any worse.

TBC

Hope y'all enjoyed this chapter, sorry it took so long to update. Please feed the muse with reviews.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Bonanza, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst

Rating: FRT

The Importance of Family

Chapter 6

He jerked, coming awake with a start. Where was he? What...it all came rushing back, drawing a gasp from his dry throat.

"Easy son, you're gonna be okay," Ben soothed. Joe waking like that, had caught him off guard and it took him a second to register the fearful confusion on the face of his youngest.

"Dad? Told him...you'd come," Joe smiled.

Ben automatically glanced around the area, searching for signs of the man Joe spoke of. Seeing nobody, his focus quickly returned to his son, "Told who son?"

"Don't know," Joe replied. "Stayed in the shadows," he rasped past dry lips.

"What did he say Joe?"

Blinking his eyes, he tried to remember, to make sense of his confusing memories. "Said you didn't love me...wouldn't come," Joe finally, uncertainly, replied. "He left...I was alone..." he trailed off; it was becoming too hard to talk.

Ben felt his anger rising, wrapping around him like a living thing and threatening to choke him with its strength. Somebody had stood by and watched his son lie here in pain, but instead of offering help he had offered taunts. He wondered for a moment if perhaps there was more to Joe's injuries than a simple accident. Before he could follow that thought, Joe spoke, dragging his attention back to where it rightfully belonged. Even as he focused on his boy, he made a mental note to have Adam and Hoss look for tracks or signs of more than an accident having occurred here.

"Dad? Could I...thirsty," Joe rasped, interrupting his father's thoughts.

"I'm sorry son, I can't give you anything yet, you may have internal injuries," Ben sadly explained. He hated to deny his child the relief of a small drink, but he knew that it could cause more harm than good if Joe was busted up inside. Before anything else could be said, the others returned with the rescue crew, a backboard and a stokes basket. Reluctantly he stood up and backed away, giving the rescue team room to work.

"Dad," Joe called out, "don't leave...please" he begged, his voice thick with the fear of being abandoned.

Ben stepped forward, moving as close as he could without being in the way. "Calm down son, I'm right here," Ben quickly soothed. "You let these men take care of you," he gruffly ordered. It always amazed him how quickly Joe would calm just by hearing his voice. Not like Adam, who when sick or hurt had to see his father before he would calm, as if his sight were the only sense he could trust; nor Hoss, who needed a touch on his arm or hand before he was reassured that his father was nearby, watching over him. Only Joe had ever responded so quickly to nothing more than his voice and no matter how many times he saw the effect, it still took him by surprise.

"Joe said somebody was here," he informed his older boys as he joined them.

Adam arched an eyebrow, "Did this somebody go for help?" It was the only explanation he could think of to explain why they had found Joe lying alone and injured.

Ben shook his head, "Joe said the man stayed in the shadows. He was taunting him, telling him we didn't love him, that we wouldn't come for him," Ben explained, nearly growling the last.

"He what?" Hoss asked, his face already turning red. "I'm gonna pound him," he vowed. "I'm gonna find him and..."

"Calm down Hoss," Adam soothed, placing a supportive hand on his brother's broad shoulder.

Hoss turned his formidable anger on his oldest brother, if he couldn't beat the person who had hurt Joe, then he could hurt the one who wanted to stop him. "Calm down? I ain't gonna calm down until I make sure whoever hurt Joe pays for it. You gonna help me, or you gonna stand here being logical?" he nearly snarled the question.

Adam blew out an exasperated breath, "I'm not saying we shouldn't find this man Hoss, or that he shouldn't be taught a lesson, but we won't get anywhere going off half-cocked."

Ben listened with half an ear to the argument between his sons, it was a familiar argument, though usually it was between Adam and Joe. He knew, from past experience that they would work it out in a few minutes. It was only that they both needed to work through their feelings about what had happened to their brother before they could focus on the job at hand. Seeing that the rescue team was ready to take Joe up the embankment, he turned to his older sons. "I'm going with Joe in the chopper," he told them. "You boys look around here, see if you can find anything to tell us who was here with your brother or what happened."

"If there's anything here, we'll find it," Adam assured him. "Tell Joe we'll be there as soon as we can."

Hoss nodded, "Take care of short-shanks Dad, we'll take care of this." He watched as his brother was carried up the embankment, his father only a few feet away, his eyes never leaving Joe's face as he made his way up the hill.

"Sorry."

Adam smiled as they simultaneously tried to apologize, he was rewarded with a glimpse of his brother's infectious grin, before Hoss turned serious. "Right, why don't you check up on the trail, see if you can find anything that would point to this being anything but an accident. I'll look around down here, see if I can find our mystery man's tracks."

"You got it," Hoss nodded. "Adam," he called from the base of the small hill.

"Yeah?"

"Why would anybody want to hurt Joe?"

Adam sighed, "I don't know Hoss, we'll just have to ask the bastard when we find him."

Hoss nodded, his face grim, "That we will big brother, that we will."

The flight to the hospital was one of the longest in Ben's life. It was torture to sit by, helplessly watching as his youngest struggled through the pain of his injuries, his breathing labored. He knew the biggest concern, for now, was spinal cord damage. He prayed that Joe would escape this accident, if it was an accident, with nothing more than bumps, bruises and the leg he suspected was broken. Finally they arrived at the hospital, the medics loading Joe onto a gurney and whisking him away before Ben could climb from the chopper.

"Is he your son?"

Ben startled, glancing to the side, he took in the kind looking woman standing there. "He's my youngest," he told her as they stepped into the elevator that had already taken Joe down. Ben stared helplessly at the buttons, "I don't even know which floor."

"I do," the woman spoke, pressing the correct button as she did. "They'll take good care of him Mr...."

"Cartwright, Ben Cartwright," he supplied.

"Doris Landry," she offered with a smile. "I volunteer here at the hospital, I see these people working to save lives everyday, your son couldn't be in better hands."

"Thank you Mrs. Landry."

"Please call me Doris." From the corner of her eye she watched Ben, alert for any signs of impending breakdown. She didn't expect to find any, he seemed like a strong man, the type that wouldn't easily break. Her job would be a bit easier this time then. When she had begun volunteering at the hospital, she had never expected to be asked to work the escort duty for the chopper. It was seldom easy. Those who came by chopper were usually among the most seriously injured, though not always, sometimes it was just a matter of their location being easier to reach by air. Yet, serious injuries were the most common reason for air transport and the family members along for the ride were usually a sobbing mess or so deeply in shock you could barely get them to move under their own power. Which was where she came in. The doctors and nurses needed to focus on the patient, the chopper pilot on his machine, leaving nobody to help the able-bodied to navigate the corridors of the hospital.

Ben was grateful for Doris' presence. He didn't know why she had been on the roof, but he knew it was a good thing she had been. He wouldn't even have known what floor the emergency room was on, or if, indeed, that was where they were going. They could have taken Joe to surgery for all he was aware. Doris stayed with him until he was seated in the waiting room, a cup of coffee in his hand and assurances that his son would be alright, he'd see, ringing in his ears.

"For Joe Cartwright?"

In a few long strides, Ben was standing in front of the middle-aged, balding man who had called Joe's name. "I'm his father, how is he doctor?"

"I'm Dr. Moore," he introduced himself. "Your son has a good chance Mr. Cartwright, but there is some internal bleeding and he's being prepped for surgery now. From what our tests show, the bleeding isn't too severe, but of course it does need to be stopped." Here he paused, giving the worried father a chance to ask any questions he had. With none forthcoming, he continued. "Luckily, while his leg is broken, it's a simple break and will require nothing more than a simple cast."

"Can I see him before you take him up for surgery?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Cartwright, there won't be time. While the bleeding doesn't appear too serious, a delay wouldn't be good and should be avoided."

"I see, then shouldn't you be in there getting ready?" Ben asked in a somewhat dangerous tone.

"No sir, I won't be performing the procedure, Dr. Simms will be handling that. He is an excellent vascular surgeon, your son couldn't be in better hands," he assured the worried father.

"Is there anything else I should know, papers I need to sign?"

"There are consent forms, yes, I have them right here," Dr. Moore replied, holding out the clipboard he carried. "There is also the matter of his back..." He grabbed the suddenly pale man's arm, "Mr. Cartwright, are you okay?"

Ben nodded numbly, "His back?" he managed to ask. Dear God don't let him be paralyzed, he silently prayed. His youngest was a very active young man, all of his boys were, but Joe, it seemed was always on the go. How would he cope if he was left paralyzed from his accident?

"There is some swelling around his spinal cord and an absence of certain reflexive responses in the lower extremities."

"Dr. Moore are you telling me that my son is paralyzed?" Ben demanded, cutting to the chase.

The doctor sighed, "For the moment, but it could be due to nothing more than the swelling. It isn't necessarily permanent at this point."

"But it could be?" Ben pushed. He had to know what they were facing if they were to help Joe through this.

"Yes sir, he could be," the doctor reluctantly confirmed. He wished he could tell the man that there was a good chance the paralysis was temporary, but he had learned early in his career not to offer what could be false hope. It was, in the long run, more cruel than withholding such hope until more conclusive tests could be performed. "You can wait in the surgical waiting room on the third floor, Dr. Simms will find you there after the surgery."

Ben nodded, "Thank you doctor. How long do you think the surgery will take?" he asked. He was wondering if he should wait for Adam and Hoss to join him here or ask the nurse to send them up to the surgical waiting room when they arrived.

"That's difficult to say Mr. Cartwright, it could be anywhere from a couple of hours to six or seven. I doubt it will take longer than that."

Ben acknowledged the information and headed for the nurses' station. He would head to the third floor now, rather than risk missing the doctor. Adam and Hoss should be able to find him, but to make sure he took a moment to tell the nurse where he would be, asking her to give them the information when they came in.

That was where Adam and Hoss found him three hours later, holding a picture of Marie and Joe. Both young men felt their hearts stop as a tear fell from their father's eye onto the picture of their baby brother.

TBC

Thanks for the reviews, hope y'all enjoyed this chapter. Please feed the muse with reviews.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Bonanza, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst

Rating: FRT

The Importance of Family

Chapter 7

"Dad?" Adam called from the doorway. His feet seemed to be frozen, holding him where he was. For Adam, a lifetime passed in the seconds it took for Ben to look up. Flashing before his eyes were scenes that began with the first time he'd seen Joe and ending with the last time he'd spoken to him. Yelled at him is more accurate, he reminded himself. He would have collapsed at that moment if it weren't for Hoss' sudden grip on his elbow, holding him upright. If Joe were...gone, the last conversation between the brothers would have been their most recent argument. The thought of that was like a knife in his gut.

Seeing the looks on the faces of his older sons, Ben shook himself from his misery. "He's in surgery," he quickly told them, bringing slightly more relaxed looks to their faces.

The ice melted and Adam stepped forward, bringing Hoss with him. Taking seats on either side of their father, each laid a hand on the older man's back, almost as if the move had been rehearsed.

"If Joe ain't gone, why were ya upset?" Hoss asked, somehow managing to be both blunt and gentle in the same sentence.

Ben sucked in a deep breath. "The doctor said there's swelling around his spine. Hopefully it's temporary, but for the moment Joe is paralyzed from the waist down." He had always hated giving bad news, but one thing he'd learned over the years was, that like pulling a splinter, it was best to do it quick.

"What did you find out?" Ben asked, changing the subject.

Adam frowned, "Are you sure Joe said somebody was there?" He was secretly hoping that Ben had misunderstood.

"Of course I'm sure," Ben replied. "Do you think I'd imagine something like that?" he bristled.

"No," Adam acknowledged. "The problem is, we didn't find anything up there to indicate another person had been in the area."

"Maybe his tracks were covered during the rescue," Ben suggested.

"We thought of that," Hoss put in. "That's why we looked further away from the scene of the accident. There's nothing Dad, not a single track that says somebody else was up there with Joe."

Ben frowned, "What are you trying to say boys?"

Adam sighed, "We're saying that either this man, whoever he is, is good enough that he left no trace. Which you have to admit isn't likely, or the only other man with Joe was conjured by his imagination."

Nobody seemed to know what to say after that, and the time, form that point on, passed slowly. The three men spent their time alternating between pacing and sitting dejectedly in their seats, lost in thought. An observer might have concluded that each man was alone in his misery, he would be wrong. Though the room was silent, the remaining members of the Cartwright family gained strength and comfort from the presence of the others as they waited for news of their youngest.

Dr. Simms entered the waiting room after five hours of surgery. He was exhausted, all he wanted was a shower and sleep, not necessarily in that order. That would have to wait, however, the family still needed to be spoken to. He had barely stepped into the room when the three men converged on him, demanding answers. Holding up his hand, he waited for them to quiet. "Mr. Cartwright, I'm Dr. Simms," he introduced, "I operated on your son Joe. The first thing you should know is, Joe came through the surgery with flying colors," he smiled.

Ben sighed, his relief almost a palpable thing, "How bad was it doctor?"

Simms had expected that question, after all five hours was a long time to be in surgery. "It actually wasn't as bad as we had initially feared. The problem was that Joe had numerous small bleeds and it took time to track them all down. I'm confident, however, that we found them all and barring any unforeseen complications Joe should make a full recovery from his internal injuries." He only wished he could give them equally good news about the paralysis.

"Thank God," Ben whispered, exchanging a relieved smile with his sons. "What about his spine?"

"I'm sorry Mr. Cartwright, I can't tell you any more than Dr. Moore has," Simms replied with sincere regret. "We simply won't know much about his spine until the swelling goes down."

Ben nodded, "When can we see Joe?"

"He'll be in recovery for at least an hour and then he'll be moved to his room." The doctor consulted the chart he carried, "He'll be in room 216, you're welcome to wait there or if you like the cafeteria is still open."

"Thank you doctor," Ben acknowledged. As the other man turned to leave, Ben thought of one more question, the one he knew Joe would want an answer to. "How long do you think Joe will be in the hospital?"

Dr. Simms frowned, the question seemed a bit odd to him, so soon after surgery. "That's difficult to say Mr. Cartwright, but I'm sure he'll be here at least a couple of weeks."

"I see, Joe won't be happy to hear that," he absently added.

Simms smiled, understanding the reason for the question now. "He doesn't like hospitals I take it?"

Ben shook his head, "The first memory he has of a hospital is the night his mother was taken away to one and never returned. He's hated hospitals ever since. That's never changed, even once he was old enough to understand that it wasn't the hospital itself that took his mother away," he explained.

"I see, we'll doing everything we can to send Joe home as soon as possible. I'm afraid that's all I can promise." Dr. Simms was sincere in his words. He knew that if the patient had a strong aversion to being confined in a hospital it could impact his recovery, sometimes positively, but it could also have a negative impact. Therefore it would be best to get Joe to the point that he could be safely sent home.

Ben nodded, "I understand and so will Joe," he assured the other man. "Thank you," he added, receiving an understanding smile in return.

*****************

Almost exactly an hour later, the three older members of the Cartwright family stepped into Joe's room.

"He looks so small," Hoss whispered.

Ben smiled, "Something about a hospital bed does that to a man. You even look small in one," he informed his son, shooting him a sidelong glance.

Adam, busy taking in the equipment Joe was hooked up to, didn't seem to notice the way his brother looked. His father's words had him chancing a look at the young man in the bed. He frowned. How could the boy be so pale and yet be alive? He quickly glanced at the monitors, reassuring himself that Joe was indeed breathing, his heart beating a steady rhythm.

Adam had always enjoyed the finer, more cultured things in life. He had attended many a symphony performance, thrilled to the skilled interpretation of many a classical piece of music. None compared to the concert of his brother's heart beating out a staccato rhythm in harmony with the steady breaths which filled his lungs with air, assuring that the boy, become man, still lived.

Joe blinked his eyes open, a gasp alerting the others that he was awake. He wondered idly why his head was so fuzzy, making it hard to think and focus.

"Joe, son, how do you feel?" Ben asked, bending over him, his dark eyes filled with concern.

"Sleepy," Joe mumbled. " 'at happened?"

Ben smiled gently, "You had an accident with your motorcycle, do you remember?" His smile grew indulgent at the slight head shaking. "Well that's alright, you just focus on getting better. We can talk about the details later."

"'Kay," Joe mumbled, closing his eyes. He was asleep in seconds.

Ben looked up, his face stern. "I don't want either of you mentioning the man your brother talked about unless he brings it up. If it was his imagination it might upset him to learn he was seeing things and if it wasn't," he trailed off. There wasn't any need to point out that knowing somebody had watched him lying injured and in pain, only to torment him rather than offer help, would be upsetting in its own way.

"He won't hear about it from us," Adam assured the older man, speaking for both brothers.

"Why do ya suppose Joe would imagine something like that?" Hoss asked, finally giving voice to the question that had been on his mind for hours. He wasn't as educated as Adam, but he wasn't stupid either. He knew that if that man was a figment of Joe's imagination, as it was looking like was the case, there had to be some reason his little brother would create such an illusion. It made his heart hurt to think that Joe was so unsure of their love. He knew they sometimes argued, but he never thought it was bad enough to make baby brother question his place in the family.

Ben looked startled, immediately realizing the implications of Hoss' question. "I don't know Hoss, I didn't think I'd been that hard on him."

Adam shook his head, of course his father would accept all of the blame, if there was blame to be laid. "You haven't Dad, or no harder than you've been on me or Hoss. For that matter, if you've been too hard on him then I've been even worse. I think we all know that," Adam solemnly added. The regret he'd been feeling earlier, for the harsh words spoken to Joe, grew exponentially with the implication of Hoss' words.

Hoss frowned, "Ain't nothing gonna be fixed if we start worrying about who did what," he admonished them both.

Ben nodded, Hoss was right of course. "What would you suggest son?"

Hoss' face grew perplexed, "I don't really know Dad. I guess we need to try to figure out if Joe really thinks we don't love him and if he does, convince him he's wrong."

Ben smiled, leave it to his middle son to cut to the heart of the matter. "You're right Hoss, that's exactly what we have to do," he said before Adam had a chance to denigrate the simple suggestion. Turning again to Joe, he gently brushed the hair from his face. "Just as soon as he's able to stay awake for more than thirty seconds at a time, we'll make sure he knows how much he's loved."

TBC

I know it's short, but this is where the muse decided to stop and when she decides to stop talking, there's no getting her started again. Hope y'all liked it, please feed the muse with reviews.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Bonanza, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst

Rating: FRT

The Importance of Family

Chapter 8

The next time Joe woke, he was surprised to find himself alone. Glancing towards the window he saw the lights of the city twinkling in the darkness. That must be why his family wasn't here, he thought to himself. He knew if he could have, his father at least, would have been here. Likely the doctor wouldn't allow it. Joe couldn't help wishing he had, as much as he hated being in the hospital, it was always worse when he was alone. Silently he began to take inventory, there was a dull pain in his gut, accompanied by a general all over soreness.

He froze. Staring at his legs, he realized that the soreness he felt didn't extend all over. The cast on his leg told him the limb had been broken, yet he felt no pain in any part of his lower body. Joe shook his head, no, this couldn't be happening. There had to be some other reason for the lack of pain. He knew, in spite of his denial, there was only one explanation for the complete lack of feeling, something not even the best painkiller would account for. Still, desperate for some other reason, he reached for the button that would bring the nurse.

Ben stepped back into the room, a steaming cup of coffee in his hands. One look in his son's eyes and he knew Joe had discovered his condition. "I should have known you'd wake up as soon as I went for coffee," he tried to joke.

Joe licked his lips, "I can't feel my legs," he announced unnecessarily. "Why?"

Setting his coffee aside, Ben perched on the edge of the bed. "Your spine," he said, picking up Joe's hand, "was bruised pretty bad in the accident. There's some swelling around it, that's what's causing you trouble."

"Is it permanent?" Joe whimpered.

"They don't think so," Ben replied. Brushing the hair from his son's forehead, he replaced it with a soft kiss. He couldn't help wishing that he could fix this hurt as easily as he had those of Joe's childhood.

"But they don't know?" He was terrified of the answer, but he wouldn't let himself hide from the truth.

Ben sighed, "No son, they don't know for certain. The odds are good, though, that it's just the swelling and as soon as it goes down you'll regain the feeling in your legs."

"How long?"

"You've only been here..."

"No," Joe cut him off. "How long until they know?"

"Oh," Ben sighed. "They can't say, it all depends on how long it takes for the swelling to subside. It could be anywhere from a few days to a few months." He hated giving the boy such news, but he had never hidden the truth from his children and he wouldn't start now.

Joe nodded. "Can I be alone for a while?" he turned his head away.

"I don't think that's such a good idea son," Ben quietly replied.

"Please Dad," Joe whimpered, "I need...some time, please."

Ben sighed, "I don't like it, but I always did have trouble telling you no." Giving Joe a tight smile, he stood up and started for the door. "I won't be far son, if you need me."

Joe nodded. The moment his father was out the door, he let the tears he'd held back fall. He wasn't sure why he wanted to hide his reaction from his father. It wasn't as if the older man would think he was weak for the tears he couldn't refuse. He knew that, as sure that he knew his brother Hoss could out eat any three men, but for some reason he was afraid to have his father see his fear.

Ben leaned against the door, listening to his youngest cry. He blinked rapidly, wanting to join Joe in his grief. He would respect the boy's wishes, however, for the time being at least.

Jason Lewis had met the Cartwrights a few months after Ben's wedding to Marie. They had quickly struck up a friendship, sharing joys and sorrows through the years. Necessity had kept him away for these past seven years and he had been looking forward to the reunion with his old friend. It had come as a shock when he had arrived at the house, only to be told of Joe's accident. Leaving his bags sitting in the entry way of the Ponderosa, he had wasted no time in coming to his friend's aid, even if all he could offer was a shoulder. "Ben?"

He opened his eyes, staring at the man in front of him. "Jason?"

"Joe's not worse is he?" For a variety of reasons, the most important of which he could never share with the man in front of him, Joe had always been his favorite.

Ben shook his head, "No, no worse. He just found out about his legs; he wanted some time alone," he explained. "What are you doing here Jason?"

Jason's eyes widened in surprise. He wondered what the man meant about Joe's legs, but that could wait for now. "You're my friend Ben, where else would I be?"

Coloring with shame, Ben nodded, "Thank you Jason."

He dipped his head, acknowledging the words. "You look like you could use a break, come on I'll buy ya a cup of coffee."

"I promised Joe I'd be near if he needs me."

Jason smiled sadly, his grey eyes flashing with sympathy. "You won't be any good to him if you collapse from exhaustion."

"I've been resting," Ben protested.

"I don't think sleeping in a chair next to your son's bed counts," he smirked. "Come on now Ben." He took his arm and led him away from Joe's room, "We'll just go into the nurse's break room, they'll let us know if Joe needs you."

Ben smirked, "Already spreading your charm around?"

Jason chuckled, "You know me too well old friend, but it's in a good cause this time."

"Alright, one cup of coffee and that's all," he conceded.

"That's all I ask," Jason smiled. "Sit down Ben, I'll get the coffee," he softly ordered. A moment later he joined his friend at the table, sliding one of the mugs he carried over to him. "What happened Ben?"

"Didn't the boys tell you?" Ben looked up, startled by the question.

Jason shot a sheepish look his way, "I didn't really give them a chance. They said there'd been an accident and you were at the hospital with Joe. I dropped my bags and headed this way."

Ben smiled, "You're a good friend Jason." Scrubbing a hand over his face, he heaved a sigh. "We're not sure ourselves. We know that Joe went riding his dirt bike. When he didn't come home by dark, we went looking for him."

Jason frowned, "Surely he's been out after dark before?"

Ben nodded, "Of course, but Hoss had a bad feeling. I learned a long time ago to trust that boy's gut and so we started searching. We don't know what happened, just that he wrecked his bike and lay there in pain for God only knows how long."

Jason sighed, he could hear the recrimination in Ben's voice. "You had no way of knowing."

"I'm his father, I should have known," Ben argued.

"You've been holding out old friend."

"What are you talking about Jason?" he demanded.

"You never told me you're psychic," came the simple reply.

"What makes you think I'm..." Ben trailed off as realization hit. "Point taken."

"What did the doctor say?"

Ben quickly filled his friend in, "...I'm not sure I should've left him alone, but it's what he wanted."

Jason nodded, "Then it's probably best that you gave him what he asked for. He must be feeling as if he has no control right now, so any control you can give him will probably help."

Ben smiled, Jason had always been good at reading people, some better than others. "You always did seem to know what Joe needed, even when I didn't."

"Distance," Jason dismissed. Seeing his friend's look he clarified his statement. "I'm not his family, it gives me a different perspective, one less encumbered by emotion. Sometimes that emotional distance can give a clearer picture." It wasn't true of course, he had loved Joe as much as his family had. The truth was, he thought that it was that very love, as deep as what his family felt, yet different, that allowed him to read Joe so well. He didn't think, however, that Ben would appreciate that sentiment, making the lie necessary. "Would you like to ask a nurse to check on him?"

Ben nodded, giving his friend a grateful look. Just as he had been after Marie's accident, Jason was here for him, offering him the support he needed.

Jason stood up and left the break room. Not seeing any nurses in sight, he thought about what to do. He could wait for one to return, or search them out. He took his third option, moving to Joe's room and slowly pushing the door open. He smiled sadly at the figure in the bed. Stepping into the room, he closed the distance from door to bed in just a few paces. He wasn't sure whether to be disappointed or relieved that Joe was sleeping. Deciding that the boy might not appreciate his presence just now, he went with relief. He watched him sleeping for a few minutes, one hand absently brushing the still unruly hair from the young man's face as he drank in the sight of the boy he had missed all these years. He had grown into a fine looking man, yet it was easy to see the child lingering in his features. As the boy in the bed began to stir, he reluctantly retreated to the door, quietly leaving the room.

TBC

Well the semester is over, remind me not to take so many heavy courses in one semester again. ;) Hopefully now that I don't have classes to worry about I'll be able to keep up with my stories. Hope y'all like this one and thank you for your patience. Please feed the muse with reviews.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Bonanza, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst, violence. It's difficult to warn on this chapter as y'all will finally find out what Joe's dreams mean. I don't want to upset anybody by not giving adequate warnings, however, I also don't want to give it away before you read the chapter. So I'll say this; there is some material in this chapter that may disturb some, if you are easily bothered by what you read you're welcome to PM me and I will tell you what the disturbing topic is before you read the chapter.

Rating: FRT

The Importance Of Family

Chapter 9

Joe spent a restless night, never fully waking from his dreams. He opened bleary eyes to the sound of his bedside table being maneuvered around near his bed.

"Good morning," the middle-aged blonde smiled down at him. "You've got good timing, you're just in time for breakfast."

"You call that good timing?" he scoffed.

She chuckled, "Well you might have a point there, but I'll let you in on a secret." Leaning down, she whispered conspiratorially, "It's worse cold." As she'd hoped it would, the remark brought a small chuckle from the handsome young man in the bed. She'd been bringing his morning and noon meals for the past several days with the result that she had become familiar with his condition and the effect it was having on his mood. Though she wasn't a nurse, she had worked in the hospital long enough to know that the mood of the patient could directly affect his recovery, whether for good or ill.

"Guess I better eat it now then," he conceded. Raising the bed to a more comfortable position, he waited for the blonde to place the table in the right position. "You know you've been bringing my food all this time and I don't even know your name."

"My name's Mary," she smiled. offering her hand to him. The smile slid from her face as a sad look appeared on the face of the man in the bed.

Joe gave himself a small shake, "I'm sorry, it's just that my mother's name was Marie..."

"It's alright, I understand," she assured him. "I'll just leave you alone now, enjoy your breakfast."

"Enjoy? It's hospital food, how can I enjoy it?"

"Well then try to survive the experience," she winked as she slipped out the door.

Joe chuckled for the second time that morning. He was grateful to Mary, her continued good mood in the face of his depression had finally brought him out of the self-pity he'd been wallowing in. He knew the depression was far from over, such an overwhelming feeling of despair couldn't lift with only a couple of small jokes and a friendly smile, but he felt a little less like a drowning man this morning. For the first time since his accident he felt like he could get through the battle that lay before him. After all he had something that a lot of people didn't, a family that loved him and would support him.

Ben took a deep breath, bracing himself for another day in the battle of wills he'd been engaging in with his youngest. Silently asking his late wife for the strength to outlast the depression gripping their boy, he pushed the door open.

"Morning Dad," Joe greeted him with a small, almost shy, smile.

Ben couldn't have stopped the grin that spread across his face if he'd wanted to. "Good morning son. You seem to be feeling better," he added as he sat down in the chair nearest the bed.

Joe shrugged, "Guess I am, a little anyway." He ate a few more bites before pushing the tray aside. "I'm sorry Dad, for the way I've been acting." He kept his eyes on his lap as he spoke, unable to look his father in the eye. He knew his dad valued strength, and not just physical strength; he was sure the man he respected more than any other must be ashamed of him.

Ben sighed, he could guess by Joe's behavior what he was thinking. Reaching out, he placed two fingers under Joe's chin, gently lifting his head until he could look him in the eye. "You have nothing to be sorry about Joseph."

Joe could see the truth of his father's words in the older man's eyes, could hear it in his voice and a weight lifted from his soul. Feeling awkward, he searched his mind for something else to say. "Did you find the guy that was out there with me?"

Ben sighed heavily, he'd hoped after so many days with no mention of the man who had tormented Joe, that his youngest had forgotten about him. "Joe, are you sure there was somebody out there?"

"You think I made him up?" He couldn't believe his father would question him like this. He would have expected it from Adam, but not his dad.

"What?" Ben was startled. "No Joe, of course not. It's just that, son, your brothers searched the whole area, even going quite a distance from where we found you and they couldn't find any evidence of anybody else being there."

Joe gaped at his father. "You mean I imagined him?"

"I don't know Joe. It looks like you might have, but he could just be very good at covering his tracks," he tried to console his youngest child.

Joe shook his head. "Nobody's that good." He looked deep into his father's eyes, as if searching for an answer. "I just don't understand, why I would imagine somebody like that?"

Ben was at a loss as to how to answer. He'd had several days to think about that very thing and he still wasn't any closer to an explanation than he'd been in the beginning. He'd thought all of his boys knew they were loved. He had wracked his brain, desperately trying to find where he had gone wrong with Joe. What had he done or not done that had caused his baby to think that his family wouldn't come for him, that they didn't love him. "I don't know Joe," he honestly replied. "Do you think we don't love you? Is that something that worries you?"

Joe quickly denied his father's words with a shake of his head, his dark curls flying around with the force of it. "I've never thought that Dad, why would I?"

"I was hoping you could tell me," Ben admitted.

"I don't know," Joe whispered, his eyes sliding shut. The depression that had begun to lift was back in full force. What would make him come up with something like that?

_Because you know it's true Joe. They've never really loved you. If they did, they never would have left you alone with me._

Joe whimpered, the small sound echoing loudly in the quiet room. Strong arms wrapped around him, pulling him close as soothing words washed over him, easing his pain.

"Shh, it's okay Joe. It probably doesn't mean anything. You were hurt and alone." Ben hoped that was all it had been. He hated to think that any of his children would ever doubt his love for them or the love of their brothers.

_Of course it doesn't mean anything, because he doesn't really care. He's just saying what he thinks you want to hear._

Joe wanted to scream at the voice to shut up, but he knew that would only worry his father. Maybe he was going crazy. It'd make sense. Didn't crazy people hear voices? He had even answered the voice he'd heard. That must mean he was losing his mind. Joe didn't want to be locked up and he knew if he told his father he was still hearing that same voice, he would find himself in a rubber room before he could blink.

Ben held Joe, gently rocking him. Even after the boy had fallen asleep, he continued to hold him. Only when the nurse came in, did he reluctantly let go of his son, laying him back against the pillow.

********************************************

Two weeks later; Ben pulled up at the hospital, Joe was finally coming home. Right now, Adam and Hoss were at home helping Hop Sing get the place ready for their brother's homecoming. In consideration of Joe they had opted not to have a welcome home party, as had been their first instinct. Rather it would be just the family and Hop Sing, who was making all of Joe's favorites for his first lunch at home. Jason, who was staying with them, had graciously made himself scarce, in spite of Ben's insistence that he would be welcomed. Ben was secretly grateful that his friend had found somewhere else to be for the day.

Riding the elevator to Joe's floor, he thought back to the conversation he'd had with his son's doctor the week before.

_Ben knocked on the door._

"_Come in," Dr. Simms called out._

"_One of the nurses said you wanted to see me doctor," Ben said, stepping into the room. At a motion from the doctor, he sat down in one of the chairs facing the desk. "Is Joe worse?"_

"_No, no," Dr. Simms quickly assured the older man. "Actually we're finally seeing some improvement," he smiled._

_Ben grinned, "That's wonderful, isn't it?" His smile faltered when the doctor didn't seem to share in his enthusiasm._

"_It is, however it can also be a difficult time in Joe's recovery process."_

_Ben was puzzled. "How so?"_

"_Joe began to feel sensations in his legs this morning, and was able to move his toes slightly."_

"_Thank God," Ben whispered. "How long do you think it'll be until he can walk again?"_

_Dr. Simms graced him with a grim smile. "Therein lies the difficulty Mr. Cartwright."_

_Ben swallowed hard, "What do you mean doctor?"_

"_The first part of the difficulty lies in the fact that Joe may push himself too hard, expecting that with the return of sensation and slight movement his recovery will progress at a rapid pace. This is rarely the case Mr. Cartwright, as I have told your son. There is still swelling present and it will take time, along with extensive physical therapy for Joe to regain the ability to walk. There is also the possibility, though it is low, that Joe will progress no further."_

"_You mean he might still be permanently paralyzed?" Ben was shocked. When the doctor had given him the news about Joe he had assumed it meant the paralysis was definitely temporary._

_The doctor nodded, giving the older man a sympathetic smile. "It is unlikely, but Joe must be prepared for the possibility. If he doesn't accept it and it proves to be true, the resulting depression could be quite devastating." This was one part of his job he hated. When a patient improved he and the family should be allowed to enjoy it. Yet, he couldn't allow them to do that, not without cautioning them of the possible negative outcomes. He had seen the results of letting a patient proceed along, blithely ignorant of all of the possible outcomes. On those occasions that the outcome was less than the patient had been expecting, the depression that followed often destroyed the patient, sometimes to the point of suicide. He had vowed, after witnessing such an outcome in the beginning of his career, that he would never allow another patient to be ignorant of the possible outcomes, even if it robbed them of some of the joy of their small progresses._

"_I see," Ben said after several minutes of silence. "How much physical therapy will he need? When will you know if he is going to be permanently paralyzed?"_

"_He'll need daily physical therapy. He has already received some, in the form of a therapist exercising his legs to prevent muscle atrophy. That will continue and now that he has sensation, more will be added. I will probably release him from the hospital in about a week, so you will need to think about what arrangements you'll want to make."_

"_Arrangements?" Ben asked, his voice dangerously low._

"_Yes sir," the doctor nodded, oblivious of, or ignoring Ben's tone. "Joe could be transferred to a long-term rehabilitation center or..."_

"_No," Ben thundered. "My son will be coming home," he firmly informed the doctor._

"_I suspected as much," Dr. Simms smiled. "In that case you'll need to arrange for therapy. You could bring him to a facility each day, but I would recommend that you hire a therapist to come to your home. It will be easier on the whole family and I suspect Joe will be more comfortable."_

Now here he was, ready to take his youngest home. He knew the doctor had been right to caution them. Without those words, all of them, especially Joe, would have been expecting quick and steady progress. The reality of slow and sometimes steady progress which had taken place in the past week would have been devastating to see and might very well have robbed his son of all hope.

***************************

Adam looked up at the house as the physical therapist left for the day. He wondered how things had went, but he didn't go in to ask. He knew he needed to talk to Joe. He should apologize for the way he had been treating his brother before his accident. So why hadn't he done it, he asked himself. Adam had never considered himself a coward, but it seemed he might have been wrong; at least when it came to expressing his emotions.

"He ain't gonna bite."

Adam jumped, he'd been so lost in thought he hadn't even noticed Hoss coming up to the fence. "You sure about that?"

Hoss pretended to think it over, "Well...pretty sure," he grinned. "But if he does I'll stitch your stubborn hide up," he teased his older brother.

Adam chuckled, "I guess that means I don't have any excuse."

"No you don't," Hoss agreed. "Go on Adam, I'll supervise the bronc busting," he offered.

Adam shook his head, "Maybe later. Don't look at me like that Hoss," he nearly whined, the disappointed look on his brother's face hurting him as the other man had known it would. "He just finished his therapy, you know how tired he is after a session. I'll go talk to him in a bit, I promise."

Hoss nodded, he couldn't argue with Adam's reasoning. "Alright, but you make sure you talk to little brother today."

"Yes sir," Adam grinned, "Any other orders you'd like to give while you're at it?"

"Nah," he said with a shake of his head, "already gave the most important one." Clapping Adam on the back, he turned away, heading back to his own work. He had only come back to the ranch yard to get some more nails. They should have had enough and would have, if not for the fact that more fencing had come down in the last storm they'd had than they had suspected.

"Hey Hoss," Adam called out, waiting for his bear of a brother to turn around, "Thanks," he smiled.

Hoss grinned, "Anytime older brother." Sketching a wave, he headed to the supply shed.

Jason walked to the ground floor room Joe was currently in. Shortly before the therapist had left Hop Sing had driven into town for some groceries; leaving him alone with Joe for the first time since his return from the hospital. Carrying a tray with two glasses of juice and some cookies, he entered the small room. "Thought you could use a snack," he smiled.

Joe looked up when the door opened, he was just opening his mouth to tell Hop Sing he didn't need anything when he saw Jason Lewis. "Yeah, um, thanks Mr. Lewis," he mumbled. It had been years since he'd seen his dad's old friend, and he was no more comfortable with him now than he had been the last time he'd seen him. Of course that had been right after he'd gotten caught in a flash flood, just barely escaping the canyon by scaling the wall.

He knew it was childish to blame the man for what had happened. It was just bad luck that he had been with Joe when the storm blew up, as desert storms were prone to do. It should have been his father taking the twelve year old Joe camping, but Hoss and two of their hands had been injured in a stampede. Thankfully none of them had been seriously injured, but they couldn't work and it left them shorthanded, meaning his dad couldn't take him camping as he'd promised. That had been when Mr. Lewis had offered to take him instead. Joe didn't remember much about the trip, the doctor said it was probably the trauma of being caught in that canyon. For, though, he had managed to escape, it wasn't without some battering against the canyon walls, leaving him bruised and bloodied.

All he knew was that Mr. Lewis had told his father that Joe had been off hiking when the storm blew up and he had gone looking for him, finding him at the edge of the canyon. Ever since then he had been uncomfortable around the older man. It had only been a few months after that incident that Mr. Lewis had moved from Nevada back to the east coast. This was the first time in seven years that he'd come for a visit and Joe was wishing he'd just go back home.

"I've been hoping for the chance to spend some time with you Joe," Jason quietly said, taking a seat on the bed.

"You have?" Joe wished he could move more as he tried to shift away from Mr. Lewis.

"Of course I have," Jason smiled. "I've never forgotten our time together on that camping trip. I'm only sorry that it was cut short by your accident." He chuckled mirthlessly, "And now you've had another accident, but this one will insure we can spend some time getting to know each other again." As he spoke, his hand came to rest on Joe's leg, seemingly without intention.

Joe swallowed, why was he feeling so uncomfortable? This was his father's friend, he'd known him since he was a baby. Before that camping trip, the man had been like an uncle to him. "No offense Mr. Lewis, but I think I'd rather have skipped the accident."

Jason laughed for real this time, "I'm sure you would have. Now what is with this Mr. Lewis business? There was a time when I was Uncle Jason to you," he reminded the boy.

Joe blushed, "Yes sir, guess it's just been too long since I saw you." It sounded like the truth and he couldn't think of any other reason for being so formal with the older man, though a small voice whispered that there was more going on.

"I suppose that might be it," Jason conceded. "Tell me Joe, have you ever remembered anything about our trip?"

Joe shook his head, "Just getting caught in the canyon and then waking up in the hospital."

Jason nodded, "That's too bad, but maybe it's for the best. You've grown into a handsome young man," he said.

Joe blinked, that was a strange change of topic..."Thanks," he uncomfortably acknowledged the compliment.

Jason smiled, "I usually prefer my boys younger, but for you I'll make an exception."

Joe cringed, "What are you talking about?" Suddenly he wished he could jump out of this bed and run from the room.

"Come on Joe, you're not that naïve...or are you?" He moved his hand under the blanket, touching they boy the way he'd wanted to do for years.

"Get your hands off of me," Joe growled, grabbing for the man's arm, only to find his hands trapped in a surprisingly strong grip.

"I don't think so," Jason smirked, pinning the boy's arms above his head as he continued to fondle him. "I've been wanting to do this for too long to quit now. This is what should have happened before and this time you won't be running away. Don't worry pet, I'll make sure you enjoy this too."

Joe froze, like a freight train slamming into a mountain the memories of that long ago camping trip came back. The second night of the trip he had woke up to find Jason Lewis lying beside him, his hands touching him in places nobody should be touching. At first he had been too scared to move, but as the man spoke to him, telling him what he planned and that he would make sure Joe enjoyed it too, he had snapped. Fighting back hadn't been easy, after all he had only been twelve and small for his age, but he had desperation on his side. Somehow he had managed to get away before the man was able to do more than touch him and say some things that were upsetting in their own right.

"My father will kill you when he finds out what you've done," he threatened in an echo of the past.

Jason laughed, "You said that before. What makes you so sure he doesn't know?" he repeated the question he'd asked years ago.

Joe glared, "He wouldn't let you do this."

"Then why did he leave you alone with me? Don't you think he knows what kind of man I am? You know what kind of people your friends are, don't you?" Before the boy could say anything else, he covered his mouth in a harsh, demanding kiss.

Joe spit in his face. Though he was as desperate as he'd been at twelve, his legs were too weak to support him, giving him no chance of escape. "Get off of me you bastard," he growled, doing his best to dislodge the other man. If he could just get the weight of the other man off his chest he could draw in enough air to yell for help. It went against the grain to admit he was helpless to stop Jason by himself, but better embarrassed than...he couldn't even think it. Suddenly the weight was gone.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Adam slammed Jason Lewis against the wall. When he had come inside to talk to Joe, he had imagined several ways the conversation might start. He had never, not in his wildest imaginings, thought of finding his father's old friend molesting his youngest brother.

"It's not what you think Adam," Jason tried to defend himself.

"So you weren't forcing yourself on him?" Adam scoffed.

"Of course not," Jason replied with all of the righteous indignation he could muster. "I was only giving him what he wanted."

"No, Adam it's not true, please you have to believe me," Joe cried out, suddenly terrified that Adam would believe Lewis.

"I know it's not Joe," Adam quickly assured him. It hurt him to think that Joe would expect him to believe a man like Jason Lewis over his own brother. "What do you want to do with him Joe?"

"You can't treat..." Jason nearly bit his lip as he was slammed into the wall again.

"Shut up," Adam ordered. "Joe?"

"Just get him out of here Adam, please," Joe whimpered, beginning to shake in the aftermath of the attack.

"Pack your bags and get out," he ordered Lewis. "I wouldn't take long if I were you, when my father and brother get home you won't want to be around."

"I'm going, but I was only giving Joe what he wanted, the same thing he wanted the last time I saw him." Wisely Jason scurried from the room before Adam could do anything to retaliate for his words.

Adam ignored the urge to go after the bastard. Right now his brother needed him more than Jason Lewis needed a beating. He sat down next to his brother, "Joe, did he hurt you?" he softly asked.

Joe shook his head, wrapping his arms around his chest.

Adam sighed, "This isn't the first time he touched you, is it?"

"No," Joe whispered.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"I didn't remember," Joe admitted after a long silence.

Adam was startled by that, "What do you mean you didn't remember?"

"Just what I said," Joe sullenly replied. "I don't know how I forgot, maybe that doctor was right about trauma making me forget things." He shivered. "I remember now," he softly added.

Adam grabbed the blanket, wrapping it around Joe and pulling him close, for once trusting his instincts. "Tell me about it little brother," he quietly encouraged.

"It was that camping trip, the second night I woke up with him touching me." His voice grew smaller with each word so that by the last one he could barely be heard. Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to go on. "I got away, not sure how, but once I was free I started running. Guess that's how I got lost, ain't that a kick in the pants? Lost on our own ranch," he chuckled bitterly.

"Understandable though," Adam replied. "It's hard to think clearly when you're panicked and I don't know any twelve year old that wouldn't have been panicked after an experience like that."

"I suppose," Joe mumbled, though he was grateful for Adam's understanding. "Anyway, next thing I knew it was morning and I was in a canyon. Then it started storming and I knew I had to get out of there. I started climbing and made it to the top just before the water completely filled the canyon. I don't know if Mr. Lewis would have gotten me help if it hadn't been for that ranch hand showing up right after he found me. There wasn't much he could do after that, not if he didn't want dad to find out what he'd done. Of course when I woke up he found out I didn't remember, so he didn't have to worry anymore."

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that Joe," Adam said, hugging his brother tightly. "Is today the first time he's tried since he got here?" He felt Joe nod against his chest. "What do you want to do about him?"

"I just want him gone Adam, I just want to forget him," Joe whimpered. For several minutes the two brothers were silent, each lost in thought. "Adam...do you think dad knew...about Mr. Lewis?"

Adam drew back, holding Joe at arms length, allowing him to look the younger man in the eye. "No Joe, there is no way dad knew what kind of man Mr. Lewis is. He wouldn't have let him near you if he had known or had any suspicion."

"But I know what my friends are like," Joe argued.

Adam gave his brother a small smile. "Do you? Did you know that Jamie goes to a coffee bar on Wednesday nights and recites poetry he's written?"

Joe's eyes went wide, "He does?"

Adam nodded, "He does."

Joe smiled, relief flooding him, "I see what you mean. Dad never knew, did he?"

"No Joe, he never knew. God help Jason Lewis when he finds out."

"I wish he didn't have to know," Joe whispered.

"We can't keep this from him Joe," Adam soothed, pulling his brother close again.

"It was him, Lewis that I heard after my wreck," Joe said, his voice holding a tone of sudden realization.

"You mean he was up there?" Adam nearly growled the question.

Joe shook his head, "I don't think he was really there, it was just his voice I heard. I'd been having dreams for a while before the accident."

"What kind of dreams?"

"A long hall with lots of doors, each door held a memory. There was always this one door I couldn't open," he gave a short laugh, "guess now we know what memory that was."

"I guess so," Adam quietly agreed. "Do you think maybe that might be why you were running kind of wild?"

Joe shrugged, "You're the thinker big brother."

"And you're not as stupid as you want me to think you are."

"Guess it might have been, it did start about the same time as the dreams," Joe admitted. "What did you come in for anyway?"

Adam smiled, "It's kind of ironic really. I came in to apologize for the way I was treating you before the accident. Funny how different things can become interconnected."

"Yeah it is," Joe agreed. "I'm glad you decided to swallow your pride for once. I don't want to think about what might have happened if you hadn't," he shuddered.

"Then don't think about it," Adam advised.

"Isn't that what got me into this trouble?"

Adam sighed, "I suppose, but I don't see how dwelling on what might have been is gonna help."

"It won't, but I can't hide from it again. I'm not a little kid, it's time I started acting like it, don't you think?"

"You're right Joe, you're not a kid, you're a man grown and one I'm proud to call my brother."

Joe looked up at his brother, his eyes shining with love and pride at the words he'd never thought to hear from his oldest brother.

****************************

Epilogue: When Ben had come home, the two brothers had broken the news to him and Hoss. Ben couldn't apologize enough to his youngest for bringing a predator into their lives. It had taken months of therapy, for the whole family, to convince Ben that he was no more to blame for what Jason Lewis had attempted, than Joe was. The hardest part of the ordeal for Joe had been the decision to prosecute the man for what he had done. It was the memory of his words about preferring younger boys that had spurred Joe on. He couldn't let Lewis get away with what he had done, effectively letting him continue to prey on children, not and call himself a Cartwright.

Along with the family therapy, Joe had seen a therapist individually while also enduring physical therapy. The physical therapy was over long before the psychological. Not really surprising when he thought about the reason for the psychotherapy.

In the end, he had gotten through it all with the love and support of his family. The very family that for a short time he had rebelled against in his attempts to prove he was a man. He understood now, as he stepped from the courthouse where Jason Lewis had just been found guilty on all charges, that a real man appreciated his family, never forgetting the importance of their love and support in his life.

The End.

Thanks to all my reviewers and readers. Sorry it took so long to get here, but I hope the wait was worth it.


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